a treasure trove of wisdom

2009-02-16T00:58:00.002+08:00

Its never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, start whenever you want, you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Curious case of Benjamin Buttons

Meaningful words that enrich lives. As people trouble over the issues of the materialistic world, one the centralises on profits, gains, and money, I seek comfort to my soul. I'm not living a life I'm proud of. I'm gathering the strength to start all over again. To meet people that change my perspective, to advance beyond the nutshell I have cast for myself. To move forward.

2009-01-30T23:54:00.002+08:00

The truth about Chinese New Year

CNY is the joyous occassion of get together. The lively music and the crowded atmosphere creates the appealing factor for a gathering. Afterall, how often relatives get to meet each other and catch up? Little children excited about their hong baos, and you get to eat the new year goodies available only once a year.

I have been through this festive season as many times as I have till this age. CNY has lost its attractive appeal to me. It's just another day. Just another average day.

Get into the mood of new year! It deserves much better than this. Hope my friends can light up the mood of new year at my place. New Year is incomplete without er shi yi dian. My tea leaves are overflowing in my cupboard. My red wine still stands. Help me solve the problem by clearing them.

Let us make merry and enjoy the goodness of life!

2009-01-10T10:45:00.002+08:00

The best therapy to offer for one who is in the danger of depression, is to be given a talk cock therapy. Talking helps, somehow, I cannot understand as well. The patient is allowed to talk about anything, be it illogical, irrational and gibberish nonsense. It may not make sense to anyone, but the patient feels good about it. Here, the patient is most relaxed as he is not judged for the things he have said.

Subtracting the stress factor of being scrutinised for his words, a talk cock therapy is practised and tested to work.

Another round of talk cock therapy? Yes, please!

2009-01-04T01:24:00.002+08:00

And I wonder how have you been?

I guess I have understood what's it all about.

Procrastination has done its damage.

Do I deserve a second chance to overcome my deepest fears and doubts?

2008-12-06T10:35:00.002+08:00

My job requires me to read. This should be a pleasurable experience. But its my job. It's my work. Reading is fun no longer applies. Activities are only fun when you have the luxury to do as and when you feel like it. At the end of the day, I'm expected to deliver something out of it. To conduct booktalking, to write book reviews within a given period of time. I cannot afford to read at my own pace, I cannot mince the words and appreciate the delivery of their fantastic stories.

There is a clear distinction between interest and work. I never like to mingle the two together. It can never be. Some people can. My deepest and sincere reverence to them. When interest become work, it is no longer the same. I cannot understand the devotion and passion people have for their jobs. It seems work is all they have and all to life. I never will.

At this point of time, the dream manifests itself again and tempts me once more. I shall have a piece of land, in a quaint nice peaceful outskirts of chengdu, to lead a hard to resist idyllic life. I shall plant my crops and tea and be self-sufficient.

At times, I will invite my friends over for some tea. We can drink tea for the whole day, and the society forgets our existence. Then, when I feel like it, I shall leave my hut and travel to see the four great mountains of sichuan.

After that, I will travel further to Lu Shan and see if I can discover the true form of Lu Shan. For a poet once said that Lu Shan grandness is surreal and it mystifies itself by concealing its true nature. Perhaps I might gain some kind of enlightening of my own and write another poem which no one will hear of once i compose it. Alas, I wish the society forgets about me and I too forget about the human society.

2008-12-03T23:34:00.002+08:00

Veronika decides to die

Paulo Coelho does it again, after "The Alchemist" that has left a lasting impression, Coelho's work with deep philosophical meaning has left me inspired and rejuvenated. Veronika, a beautiful and young women, who has everything that one could not ask for more, a good career, good parents, youth, has decided to put an end to life after finding life to be mundane and repetitive.

Veronika wants to be a pianist, but her loving mom wants her to grow up to do something else, lawyer... something that can earn more, so that she can have a comfortable life. But Veronika cannot refuse this, for her mother love her so, and she has to acede, with the moral obligation that she would hurt her mother if she refuse to. This is a inner conflict of what everyone else expects you to do and what you really want to do.

It is a sad tale, at the start the build-up to Veronika's decision to die, but things took a change when her attempt failed. Landed in a asylum, she started to love life again but only because her remaining life span is left with a couple of days.

Its the only book after Romance of the three kingdom that I couldn't stop. I just had to finish it once i started. Although Tuesaday with Morrie, Kite Runner are excellent books as well, I have to rank this above the rest.

2008-11-20T20:30:00.002+08:00

tml is the reopening of cck library. I like the new books and the new environment. It looks cosy and comfortable. The smell and feel of the new books is fantastic. However, i'm not looking forward to tml. Hope it will be over soon. The need to do a library tour for the MP of Hong Kah GRC, CE and director spooks me all over. All the big shots, I never liked to talk to people of high authority status. I just don't. When I was teaching, I try to siam away from the P and the VPs. Go TV and radio talk talk is no issue. Make me play solo for concert, I will be glad to. This, I just can't. They should just shoot me instead of making me go through this. Oh for Zhuang zhi's sake, save me from my greatest fear!

2008-11-12T13:52:00.002+08:00

Adventure on Bukit Timah Road, Adams Road, PIE, Newton Circus, CTE, SLE and Ang Mo Kio Central!!!

So much for my long-winded title. I will remember this for the rest of my life, my misadvanture over the weekend. I was lucky to make it back home in one piece, after getting lost along the roads of Singapore.

There is so much thrill to getting lost and not knowing where you are, wat road next to take. Its one hell of a experience that is unforgettable. The lessons you learn from it will etched in my memory for as long as I live. Two things: always plan your route with the street directory, ask your friends for the road if not sure before setting off! Next always have a street directory with you.

For some reason, I decided to take the family car to orchard to meet a friend. Not realising what is in stored for me, I happily start the engine and get off to a smooth start. Driving is nothing, after going for go-karts, without my family's presence, i was taking a smooth cruise.

Now the whole hellish experience started when i took wrong turns, I was totally relying on my memory on the turns and roads and what nots. It turns out that i was wrong.

I took a wrong turn and ended up in adams road. Damn shit, getting to orchard was the last thing on my mind. No fucking shit idea where the hell i'm heading. Getting home is also a uncertainity.

Driving aimlessly, I had to make decisions and choices. Every turn i make, every road i ended up, every highway i'm travelling on becomes extremely crucial. Plus, the adrenaline boost comes when my fuel indicator shows that i have a quarter tank left. I have no idea how much more distance i can travel. My first time driving by myself, and coming to think about it, I was pretty brave to wanna drive on that day.

Putting myself into such a situation, I had to think fast. I was on CTE, things look bad, i'm travelling to ang mo kio, to the central instead. I figured out that I must make the nearest exit and asked for directions and get some gas. That turns out to be the right choice.

I was in a totally unfarmiliar place. I was in Ang Mo Kio central. I saw lots of coffee shops. I have to stop at one and ask for directions.

Two things, where is the petrol kiosk and what highway to get to go back to BKE?

The directions given were not exact. You have to be really observant and alert. I was told to drive straight but it turns out that the kiosk is at the other side of the road, I had to take a u-turn to get there.

Here comes Mr Bean episode, At the petrol Kiosk! The attendent alerted me that the cover of the fuel tank is locked. I saw my father pulled a lever or something before, but I had the slightest idea where it was. I started pulling everything that could be pulled. That includes the engine hood lever, which suddenly flung itself to life. Folllowed by the seat rest, which sways backwards with my weight on it. Everything else moves, except the stubborn tank cover. I could see the stare and bewilderment from the attendent, who might probably doubt if I own the car. I won't be surprised if they start whispering among themselves, with one of them hastily making his way for the phone and the next minute, the police sirens roars and i'm arrested for car theft. What could be funnier if the police officer who steps out of the car is my friend, Officer Chen? He could laugh so much that he starts rolling on the floor and give me an escort home.

That was it. I had to get home. Forget about orchard road. I was on SLE, thanks to more confirmation from other people. SLE is pretty straighforward. I just to go straight all the way, not to be fooled by any other exits that pops out unless its BKE.

The first thing I did on monday, was to get the fucking street directory. With a traumatic experience like that, I would never want to get lost again. And I'm sulky that i couldn't get to orchard. I couldn't take that kind of failure and humiliation so I shall take on the roads again one day and get to orchard. But at least, if someone ever wants to meet me at Ang Mo kio, I had no problems going there. All I have to do is to take the wrong turn at Newton round-about.

2008-11-08T12:07:00.002+08:00

More self-discipline please!

I have to remind myself, on my blog to maintain and keep up my self-discipline. Procrastination, laziness and punctuality is my three key weaknesses. I seem to enjoy piling up my work and using MSN at work. This is damn bad. Please scold me if any of you see me online during working hours. I have work to do actually but I just can't help myself but go online and chitty chatty. This bad habit carries forward from NUS days and still manifests itself until this very day. No MSN! No MSN! No more MSN during office hours. Listen music instead if feel the urge to log on. No more MSN! Hoping that I can psycho myself with this entry.

2008-11-08T11:34:00.002+08:00

Until recently, yes, I highlight that it was at such a late phase of life, that I have a taste and experience of what happens behind closed door, closed doors of the chitty-chatty among the lovely ladies.

One thing that I'm aware of, is of how girls talk much more than guys. The fascinating discovery of the variety of conversational topics is as great as Fleming's discovery of penicillin to me.

We guys, I mean among my guy friends, our rather constricted scope of small talk, will revolve around how Ronaldo dribbles and scores. Our faces slapped with disappoinment, as we talk about another major upset, Arsenal losing to Stoke City. Then there will be a moment of silence, as we slip down our favourite ale. Oh yes, german light brew is soothing, try brewerkz too, they have got great beer. Guys like me need a moment of silence, where we get to enjoy just being out there, in a pub, drinking. We can't talk all the time, filling every single minute, every single second. Enough of the chat, let me savour my tantalizing ale, please.

I have every reason to believe that our right hemisphere of the brain, involved in speech, is not as developed our female counter-parts. I look at the econ-mini mart auntie at the void deck next block. And she becomes my criteria to judge how gossipy a women can be. In her forties, with her black framed glasses, everything seems to be be interesting to talk about. One thing, she's got a big mouth, i mean literally, like Mo Xiao Ling. So big mouth really carries that negative connoctation, as in a big mouth person, is really "big mouthed". Everytime I see a person who fits the econ auntie, the bearing and her appearance, I can safely conclude that they are of the same class of elites.

Our dearest female counterparts possess such acute observational skills and verbal capacity to talk at such details. I admire such talents, sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Their eye catch such fine details that would have escaped my eye, and they actually remembered it. Recollecting the event itself seems like it happened a few mins ago, even if it could have been a couple of months. Ask them to write a book, I think no problem on that.

Scientists should develop that acumen too, for them to make more interesting discovery. Such fine skills could take me a life-time to perfect.

2008-11-04T23:57:00.002+08:00

The importance of having more than one computer

As much as I thought, computers are not as incredible as it seems to be. The promise to deliver is to be not taken for granted. Computers are invented by humans, and how far can it go with that in mind? Humans make mistakes too, and we should be more forgiving to computers.

Always have a back-up, this is one valuable lesson not to be forgotten. With one desktop and a laptop, a office PC, external hardrive and a thumbdrive, things should go pretty well.

My home desktop keeps displaying the CMOS at start-up. The time and date gets reset everytime I shut down my computer. My internet browser turns nasty and mean, displaying a window saying that the certificate of the website is outdated and denies my access. When did the culture of Singaporeans reverence for certification qualification became so pervasive? Even IE 7 is demanding for certificates nowadays! I think the site only has up to O-level, that's why I can't access. That is a great insult to MSN messenger mail. It is one of the many sites that pops up the irritating obstruction.

My virus scans detects a vital software as a virus, a crime as heinous as calling a guy who just done llife-saving CPR on you a leacher.

Owing to computers, we have new job opportunities for maintainence, making sure it works all well and runs smooth.

Remember to extend your warranty on computer products to 3 yrs instead of one. Saves you lots of trouble to buy a new one every year!

2008-10-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

The last thing I want to hear from myself is that I'm exhausted by work. I will never want work to dominate my life at this point of time. Not to say i want to slack, but exhaustion means overwork. That's not the kind of life it should be. Its a crazy mentality out there. Overwork=That's the way it should be. Tired from work=Good.

"How's work?"

"So far so good."

"Good, can give you more work."

"..........."

Next time I will say:"Wah, very stress ah.. so much work to do ah...wah i'm working to my limit. My hands r tied leh...."

2008-10-03T23:31:00.002+08:00

I needed that kind of therapy. Feeling tired and lethargic, it was nice and worthwhile trip to east coast park. Though distant, I like the sea breeze, the beach, the sea itself and the waves. I have always enjoyed to just watch what people are doing. That's call idling, and my neighbour's cat does that all the time.

Every morning, when I just step off my house, the orange felline can be seen at the door, lying and watching me from the comfort of its mat. It observed my every movement with its rather large eyes, and it looked relaxed. Perhaps that explains the affinity and attraction I have for cats. They seem like one of the creatures which know how to slack and be lazy.

I spent half my day at east coast, loving every minute of it. I felt so much more rejuvenated and energised after that. Ever more ready to get back to work.

2008-09-28T17:53:00.002+08:00

I abused my way with words, twist and turn it into some grandeur and magnificent. what insanity to cover up nudity as art. wa ha ha

the curvature and serpentine figure is of the rite degree to offer aesthetic pleasure.......
her pose is natural and yet evocative.
there r many modes of connecting oneself to the soul of the art. one would be via the sense of touch, that we find ourselves drawn to the richness and deptness of the masterpiece.

Hell lot of nonsense

2008-09-25T22:57:00.002+08:00

tml morning 97.2fm radio talk show. Its with fen ying again, this time i'm more prepared, i noe what to do, and i noe how its gonna be like. My superior wants me to be media specialist. No issue, just go on and keep on trying until I got the hang of it. Surely, it gets better with more tries. Its coming fri and i'm running out of steam. I need to go to keat hong for recharging. And of course the Xiao Yao You concert! Some alcohol will just do fine to end the nite.

2008-09-19T18:09:00.002+08:00

On beauty and appreciating beauty

What defines beauty and what not defines beauty? What is beautiful and what is ugly? This is one of the burning questions I have always habour. I cannot understand how a piece of art or visual specatacle is defined and judged upon. It is subjective, some say but then the question remains unsolved. Is it pleasing to the eye. If you find something pleasing, it is beautiful? So what makes it pleasing. John Armstrong provides some insightful claims to the notion of beauty. Well put across, John claims that beauty is recognised yet so elusive as we try to describe the beauty. So the nature of beauty may not be put across in words so easily. Maybe not.

John's work attempts to instill clarity and explainations to the notion of beauty, enabling us to appreciate beauty. His book put across certain theories proposed by the intellectuals of the past. Pythagoras, clearly impressed by numbers and figures, talks about proportion as the nature of beauty. A certain degree of curvage can be seen as beauty. Functionality can be beauty too. But no perfect theory that fits all observations.

The beauty of John's work, as I came to appreciate, is his attempt to explain subjectivity in appreciating art. Well constructed with such clarity, like a crystal clear lake that allows one to see to the bottom of things, I'm deeply impressed and satisfied with his theory. That subjectivity, the taste of arts, of why different people have different opinion of a piece of artwork, is rather based on a person's character and his perception of things. now the perception of things is not simply reduced to subjectivity, of how different people have different views on things but in terms of his trained eye for details. as he explains, Some people are sensitive, the eye captures details whereas some do not. those who can, spot the details in the object is able to capture the essence and to understand the piece. those who dont merely pass it off and cease to appreciate the work. To appreciate, one must look close enough, hard enough, look for the details: the balance and mixture of colours, the lines and curvatures, the background and the foreground. The emotion and the expression of the protraits can be expressed through the eye and the posture of the character.

With the Singapore Biennale ongoing, I'm rather keen to be on a lookout for the exhibits. Yet contemporary art is something rather new to me. The experience to this new untouched field is going to be interesting . not to say that i have become a qualified critique overnite but I can say that Armstrong's theories is good enough to me to craft some new means of appreciation. I will look forward to the surprises installed for the visitors.

2008-09-11T18:33:00.002+08:00

Xia suay now better than xia suay when u r a lao jiao. That's what I live by. In the past, I really dread making mistakes and so avoid certain situations when I will be prone to making mistake. No use one, still the problem will surface sooner or later. Tml, I will be the speaker for a short talk. Big boss around, nvm... just go and show face, talk nonsense and speak gibberish. If I embarass myself, just take it la. At nite, go drink, get drunk, go and puke, forget everything... next day a fresh and brand new day.

Ah yah, 97.2 FM again ah.... talk cock, sing song again loh...

Y am i writing like that today, har? Crazy man!

2008-09-01T12:52:00.003+08:00

Many a times, its the simple stories that touch the hearts. I share a story that I heard from a workshop. And this moving story touches me deeply.

Its master Professor Ueno, loves Hachiko alot. "Good Dog, Hachiko. You are the best dog in the all of Japan."

Everyday, Hachiko sees Professor Ueno off to work at the Shibuya Station and would return to the station to accompany Professor Ueno returning from work. What a smart dog Hachiko is!

But one day, Professor Ueno did not come back from work. Haciko waits and waits, only for the station master to chase him away. Hachiko comes back the next day again to wait for Professor Ueno.

Hachiko waits. Professor Ueno had died of a heart attack at work. Hachiko does not understand. All he knows is that Professor Ueno knock off at 3pm so without fail, Hachiko waits faithfully for his return.

Not even Yasuo, the young boy who takes care of Hachiko could convince Hachiko.

Now 10 yrs has past, Hachiko waits. And he died on that very spot, where he waited for Professor Ueno, at the Shibuya station.

Hachiko shows us the very gems of life: loyalty, devotion and love. So rare it is, so precious this is that it moves us deeply and touch our heart. People at the station all knew about Hachiko's tale. They decided to build a monument to commerate him. I heard that couples in Japan propose in front of Hachiko's statue. If ever I have a chance to go Japan, I must go to the Shibuya station to see for myself Hachiko's statue.

2008-08-31T00:56:00.002+08:00

Hmmm...... wonder what r some of the stuffs i can do after work to occupy myself. I don't really like the idea of watching tv to sleep. Some kind of excercise should be good. Its not tat easy to find sports khaki nowadays. Trekking, cycling, swimming, tennis? It's tricky. This are mostly day sports. Is there something known as nite sports? Also quite boring to do sports alone loh.........

2008-08-30T00:40:00.002+08:00

My my, that thought has never crossed my mind. I mean what?!?! I becoming a father and have a child that will bear some kind of resemblance to me. Oh man, that turns me off. I must say when you ask me to make a choice I prefer kittens to babies. I don't know what to do in front of the toddlers that people will find cute. Well, at least I know how to play with a kitten, a nice pat on its head, it comes to you and sticks to you, rubbing its body against your legs. I wouldn't know what to do with a human infant. I'm at lost.

I can't make that kind of funny faces. Just cant't, and don't want to. I'm glad that my sis agrees with me that babies are not as fun as kittens. At least to this point of time, that's wat i think.

2008-08-28T17:34:00.002+08:00

And so I come into contact with another person who numbs herself with being busy. I'm not too convinced that this is the right way of life. Not that she whines about loneliness has to do with that but I decided to give it a little thought and ponder about the kind of life most ideal. I don't think its a overstatement to say that people keep themselves busy so that they don't feel bored. And then that boredom could have a lot to do with loneliness though they are two different things.

Tried and tested, I realise something lacking in a lifestyle like this. I recollect the moments in NUS, that I decided to make full use of my time by getting myself into one busy man. 6 modules in one sem, 2 tuition assignments to go along with this delicious menu of no time to myself. Y? Because I got nothing to do with the time I have for myself! It's a good way to drain yourself so that you stop thinking bout loneliness. It cures the symptoms but not the disease. At the end of the day, you will be damned tired so that you won't even have time for any negative thoughts. But looking back, there is some sense of lost and disorientation. What was that all for? I asked myself. I don't think I was satisfied at anything at the end of the day. I wasn't particularly exhilarated or anything. I don't think I feel the rewards from it. One sem felt like half a sem, that's just how it feels. I wonder is that how life should be?

So I have learnt that life is not about keeping yourself occupied for the sake of keeping yourself occupied. And I have realised that work is not the solution to happiness too. Toiling all day long is not the way of life. Work life and personal life balance is crucial. Those who commit too much time to work seems to me not an ideal kind of life. Those who enjoy too much and not committed to work is not having a right life style too. Its about finding the right balance.

2008-08-28T17:21:00.002+08:00

Hang on to your seat and have a good grip with your steering wheel. You will need a good dose of courage to stimulate the speed devil in you. Go-kart is one hell of an experience. Don't be fooled by the run-down look of the miniature kart. It may seem a little kiddish from its looks but it sure can go fast. A truly thrilling experience, you have a feel of how it will be like when you are in for the speed. As you pump up the acceleration, the engine roars, the kart vibrates and everything around you starts to go pass you faster. The speed comes with the control; it's a test of skills and guts, to go fast at the corners and yet maintaing control. As i attempt to mimic the moves in the shows and movies of drifting and driving without breaking, I realise it seems easy but hard to do in reality. My kart started spinning out of control when I negotiate a sharp bend with full speed. Nevertheless I enjoyed the experience of speeding, it's something worth to try again in the future.

2008-08-26T15:05:00.002+08:00

I have long wanted to write this post. In it, I shall pour out all the contents and left nothing behind. So often we whine about, make a big fuss about it, and we just can't seem to get it right. No no, we are not desperate, there's a clear distinction between despair and desire.

Everytime I read Sumiko's rantings, I can't help to feel that we could be good friends, maybe she can even be my next god-sister. Oh yes, Sumiko writes on the Strait Times column. Both of us have something in common, that we make a big fuss out of loneliness and our self-consciousness and anxiety escalates to such high levels that we are almost narcissistic. It is self-comforting to some extent that there's someone out there who is like me, but it's not something one can smile and be proud about.

Back to loneliness, I wonder why is it so hard for me to tell myself to get on with my life. Sumiko is in her 30s, she has every reason to feel left out when her friends are, settled with their own family. Not that I'm the only one single among my friends but then again, it just doesn't make it feel any better. Life's kind of boring, really quite dull. A companion makes the journey much more enjoyable, all my friends agree with the notion except for a few, but finding that companion is a big question.

Please guys, how can I buy that? That you are fine with being single! Pretentious cunning people you are! You self-decieving, this doesn't fool me. It always happen. You say you not interested and that next minute you got attached. Crap shit!

Stop saying that when the moment is right, the right girl will come. So what, chio bus will fall from the sky and end up on my lap?!?!

I went for a SDU organised event with a guy friend, for a paint ball and go-kart event. The main point is not that I'm joining a SDU event. Now what i'm gonna say next, is that I didn't expect the crowd to be made up of mainly people in their 30s. Hmmmm..... misfits!!!!!!! But nope that's not the main point either. How do I find the activity? My most sincere answer: Good, but I sure hope I don't end up going SDU when I'm in my 30s. I have got 5 more years, counting down now............

2008-08-26T01:34:00.002+08:00

Love it! I can't control myself when it comes to high school musical. Its something I will go wild over. Once, me and my friend started playing the song and started dancing on the road like we are in some kind of musical. We were out of control for that short moment.

The movie is showing in Oct and I won't miss it. Sharpay, u r simply lovely!

2008-08-26T00:39:00.001+08:00

blogskins.com is a bad place to find blog skin. My current blog skin stinks. It does not induce my appetite for blogging. Its so uninviting.

2008-08-05T01:17:00.002+08:00

Walt disney channel tween sensation hannah montanah alias miley cyrus is on the news again. She released a new album, breaking away from the teenage genre and trying to get everyone not to see her as the little girl she is. First racy photos, then breaking away from her iconic disney symbol of good and nice down-to-earth girl . Bad news. Look at britney spear's "not a girl, not yet a women". Screwed man, those who's eager to show themselves to be mature tend to be going towards the downhill of their career as well. Good luck miley, the media will be gloating over your misadventures!

2008-08-03T01:01:00.002+08:00

The audience roared, the emotions were high. Pride is at stake here, as the physical and the mental strength of the players are tested. To play in front of a crowd of 30,000; the pressure is unbearable.

The striker attempts a shot from a difficult angle. It looks like its going in but the fine reflexes of the keeper manage to put a stop to it. Quality save, superb keeping. But wait! what's going on? I think I just saw the goalkeeper scores an own goal, with the ball into his hands, back into his own net. What a terrible, horrendous mistake! The supporters are not very happy with what they are seeing. Horrible, horrible, It's just not his day! No 1. Javier cannot afford to make such a mistake in a big game like this. Let's hope we can see something better from him the next time he plays. Players like him falter in the big games. Fine lad, I think he just need more experience and exposure.

2008-07-07T18:28:00.002+08:00

So on to my 2nd part of if the ODAC camp which took place from 04/07/08 - 07/07/08

Day three. In the morning, we had games at ECP. Got disgusting game, also got very engaging game. Another of the piggyback a girl game. This time, we piggyback a girl, run into the sea, let the girl fill up a bottle of sea water, and pour it into a bottle on the shore that is poked with small holes! That means we have to be really fast to be able to to fill up the entire bottle! Halfway, We started to dunk the OGLs and GLs into the waters. Very xiong. I was so shag by then. Main highlight of the day is dragon boat. It turns out to me that dragonboat is more fun than nite-cycling to my surprise. You never know whether you like it unless you try it. This is one classic example. The instructors taught us the techniques of paddling, and the way to hold the paddle. We did dragon boat at the kallang basin. Dragonboat is very different. You get to have a taste of it, really. My boatmates in front, keeps splashing water at me when she paddles. And we need to synchronise with each other, timing must be good, must have mo qi, so that the paddling is efficient. It require team-effort, not cycling. We get to experience the thrill of a dragonboat race. The adrenaline rush, the morale, the urge to win, was enough to push us to put in our very best. And we do something and give it with everything we have, that feeling is good. We were rewarded as we turn out to be the winner of the race among the five groups. It's damn shiok, the sensation of winning is memorable. As if time stops, you dont want that sense of goodness to escape from you.

Day 4, paintball. Its a battle simulation game. Very fun, something tat i also really like to have a feel of it. Every player gets a gun, and the gun shoots out paint instead. Two teams on the battle field, with barrels, chest, barricades for cover, to dodge enemy fire. Two objectives in the game, one is to hit opponent target, it's a small orange target, and the next is to grab a box, placed at the front line, and get to back to the base. This is the most xiong game, i find, i was trying to run as fast to get the box, but always ganna shot. Once u get hit, u got to run back to the first-aid area before u r "revived" and u can be playing the game again. Ther's 2 rounds, my grp won the first, and we lost the 2nd round. I ganna shot many times because i'm the one trying to grab the box, the primary target for the opponent. Got bruises over this places. that's y its "PAINT" = "PAIN" ball!

End of the camp! It makes me feel like a freshie again. I enjoyed all the moments and activities, showering in a rather open place, where people can see, tasted sea water, sat around a campfire, had crappy cheers and campfire songs, guys try to act like chio bu contest... so much more to say.... that i can say.

When i reached home, the silence and serenity of my house, got me taken back. Feel a little lost, i asked, where is my tentage? Where is my OG members who will be suggesting games to occupy the free time?

2008-07-07T17:45:00.002+08:00

The 4 days NUS ODAC camp was fun and I must blog about it before i forget all the details. All this while, when i was working in the library, i started to think that i didn't get the fun I should be getting in NUS when i was still a undergrad. Stumling upon the ODAC website, I decided to give it a try to experience a orientation camp, which i never did before. And most of all, the camp comes in an ideal package of programes that I always have been interested but never got to do.

First day, treking trip. We started off with king albert park, in bukit timah. It's an abandoned railway track. We bash through vegetation, walking on grass path, somehow my OGL, Edward was stung by some unknown insect, probably a wasp. He's really unlucky to be stung at the begining of the trek. All of us got to poke fun of his toe for the remaining of the camp. It was swelling up, twice the size of an average thumb should be. We were already being warned in the begining that there's a muddy path that is powerful enough to suck our footwear in. It is short tunnel, but with enough light to see the inside, partially dark. The ground is flooded with water on both sides, making the whole tunnel only walkable in the center. Making things worse the mud is really thick. Planting my foot in, i feel like as if it was a strong adhesive, not letting go of my sandels. I have to tug really hard to pull it out, producing the loud "smack" sound every time i do it. My GL Shania was so cute (Ka Wai!). She was saying out how scared she is of the darkness when we were in the tunnel, I had to hold onto her hand and comfort her. At nite, we had canal walk. as in we really did a canal walk in one of the long gangs! but its situated in a forested area, along the roads of ulu pandan, where the old SMM is. The part we start to get wet begins once we enter the tunnel. It's totally dark inside, can't even see your own hand with a torch light, the water level reaches somewhat underneath the knee level, occassionally above knee level. It was definitely a different experience, something you never get to do usually. I like the feeling of the cool water, and the thrill of exploration, plus the crowd does add on to the atmosphere. We camp outdoors in west coast that night. That was my outdoor camping after 5 yrs, since i leave the ns. Couldn't really sleep, but did manage to sleep a little.

Day 2, scavanger hunt. Given a map and a piece of written clue, we have to find checkpoints in the area of east coast. One of the station was in island resort, its a chalet and its held at the checkpoints. This checkpoint damn xiong! I should say the whole camp really drained me out physically, but I had so much fun with the activities! Coming back, guys were suppose to piggyback a girl, with the girl holding onto a small pail. The rest of the grp members suppose to stand behind the line and try to aim the ball into the pail. So xiong. I never thought i could piggyback a girl, actually I was doubting myself whether i can do it or not, but turns out i can leh! haha. Army helps, i suppose. We had nite-cycling tat nite, navigating the map to get to the checkpoints. Most of the checkpoints are makan places. We stopped to have supper along the stations.

Then it happens, by then i was too tired, we were still cycling at the wee hours of 4am, plus the rushing around and the piggyback, it was too much to take. I fell with my bike when we were returing to the campsite, in East Coast Park itself. I was standing on the pedals of the bicycle, the seat rest was hurting my butt, and i need to raise myself for my butt to take a short break. Its a freak accident, which means it shouldn't happen. I just felt that i loss my footing and started to lose balance. I fell down, having laceration on my hands and knee. I got this big bruise over my right knee cap now. But its damn fine, looking at the bruise is a reminder of the night cycling. And that makes me feel good because i get to do something I always wanted to! I always wanted nite cycling because i think its a different experience from day cycling.

2008-07-02T00:15:00.002+08:00

I wonder when i can see this person again? It felt like we know each other for many years though we only had fleeting moments. It was like as if we could share about everything in this world, and have nothing to hide. Such genuine relations is rare to come by, more precious than all the riches you can ever gather in this world. This connection --- I truly appreciate. To be truly heard, to be truly listening as well. I wonder how many of us can do that.

2008-06-07T20:26:00.002+08:00

Morrie died. I cried. I lost a teacher. I have no idea how Morrie looked like. I have never seen him. I wasn't even by his side when he left. But Mitch told me everything. Morrie was a teacher everyone wanted to have...... There's not gonna be anyone close enough to be another Morrie. Yes.... good old Morrie....

"What are u doing"

"I finished the book, Morrie died. He was such a nice man"

"You know it would come, dont u? You know Morrie will die at the end. You know it all the while, dont you?"

"I know..... but I........... I can't help it........."

I played the scene in my head. Morrie was on his bed. He could hardly speak. Mitch was there. He saw Morrie decay away, The ALS he suffered shrunk his muscles, his body getting smaller everdyay. But that didn't made him feel sorry for himself. He told us all about life. What life should be. How we place value in all the wrong things. Morrie taught me how precious every moment is. I'm grateful for that.

It was time for him to go. Mitch didn't know how to say goodbye. Morrie's feeble hands held Mitch's, placing it on his own chest, his heart. "Mitch...., this is how we say goodbye........"

Morrie died in serenity. And that is how he wanted it to be.

But I know Morrie lived on in our hearts. Mitch made it possible with the book. His tale, his tuedays with Morrie shall always touch our hearts, filling our hearts with the warmth of humanity and love.

The book will be there, in that particular shelf, at that particular spot. And I know that the next reader who picks it up, would have very much wished that he had a teacher like Morrie.

2008-06-05T23:46:00.002+08:00

I chanced upon a dying man. He was from a book, but he didn't turn out to be just a character in the book. He is my teacher, though i didn't know him at all. And that we are separated by vast lands and seas, but now he's in the other world, a world which we would all get to go someday.

He taught me many things, and one of the things is that death is always around. And death may just come anytime. But that's not something we have to fear. Appreciate death and only with that we appreciate life. Because time has its limit and it doesn't go on forever, we have to start to lead our lives meaningfully. Have you ever asked the question that if you were to die tml, what's that one thing you want to do the most? If u noe that time is running out, would u not make the full use of ur remaining lot of it? After-all, we only have one life, there's no 2nd chance. One thing for sure, i would not want to die with regrets.

2008-05-31T15:45:00.002+08:00

I want to travel. That's one of the things I hope to do. Perhaps Japan, Taiwan or China. Not Europe. For I'm not really attracted by Europe. Neither Australia, at the moment, though people had said how nice Australia can be. I'm fascinated by the East. I want to see what the world out there is. The experience is invaluable. My horizons to be stretched, to see and feel things I never have done before. And i'm not going with a tour grp as I have been to one before and it sets a restriction to my plans of exploration. The sense of exploration of strange and new places is an exciting one.

So sad am I that I do not have the capacity to travel yet, with the time and money I have. I just do not have the right company, a grp of people with the sense of adventure within them. The saddest thing in life is to look at pictures people have taken, that showed how happy they r in a foreign land.

That sense of happiness is so near and yet so far.

2008-05-30T19:56:00.002+08:00

Reading “The Alchemist”, sets of a series of deep thought. Profound and powerful, I had to think about its implications on me. It had an effect on me. And it was to make to start to think about my life. The easy way out for me was to blatantly say that my way of life is daoism. But it was an excuse after all, for i never wanted to think about i wanted in my life. So I embrace Daosim to proclaim a simple life. A simple life is a life without change. Without change, there is no need to face changes. And that is how some people chose to live. They don't know how to handle changes. They do not want to face such a situation.

Everyone, when they are young, sets out for themselves to achieve something. They had such high hopes and inspirations. It was as if nothing could stop them. But as time passes, they lost that vision, they get tied down by the need for food and water. They start to forget, they start to disbelief, and they start to be disillusioned. Finally, they gave up, losing all the vigour and energy they used to have. These dreams as crazy as it can be, it can be anything. Some people dream to be candy sellers and aspire to be one. So they became one. Some believed that they can change the world in the way they want it to be, and they did.

Some are content with just dreaming. These dreams keep them alive and hopes. In their minds, they play out the perfect scene of their dreams. But dare not to live their dreams. Y? Because once they have done it, there's nothing left for them to do. What else can they do after living their dream? To have another dream? And what is next once you have fulfilled that dream?

An Arabian merchant wanted to go to mecca for pilgrimage. It was his reason to live. But he didn't go mecca. He imagined himself in mecca, along with the other followers. He witnessed the magnificent sight. Something he had never seen, the grandeur incomparable to any other sight he had seen. But alas, if he had gone to mecca for real, he would die of disappointment if it was not as great as he thought it would be. So he didn't wanted to go to mecca. He's happy with dreaming about it. To fulfil one's dream, is to destroy one's dreams. For it marred and damaged the perfection you have for it. It would never be as you had thought it was to be.

The boy dreamt of travelling. To see the world and learn about the world. He didn't want to learn about what God has for him. He refused to enter priesthood as his father had arranged for him. So he became a sheperd to wander around the world.

"To live one's dream is to fulfil one's destiny. "

I never had any dreams before. I never knew what i want in life. What should I do with my life?

2008-04-03T16:47:00.002+08:00

I like my job, as a librarian. It gives me time and space of my own to do the things I want to do. The work is good, much better than a teacher. Yet, I'm so lost with what to do with my free time. So much so that I'm starting to feel the void and emptiness everytime I come home from work. So much so that I'm lossing sleep and feeling down. I need to engage in some enriching social activity out of work, but what is it I want?

2008-04-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

Genre: Non-Fiction, Conduct of life
Title: The importance of living
Author: Lin, Yutang, 1895-1976.
Publisher: Singapore : Cultured Lotus, 2001.

Call number: English 128 LIN
Available at most libraries

Book review:

Witty and humourous, Lin Yutang managed to entertain and yet at the same time, shared great insights to the way of life. Don’t let the title fool you into thinking that it’s a book that involves deep thought and written in the abstract philosophical prose of ancient Chinese classics. Very much on the other end of the road, Lin combined anecdote, parables, stories and jokes to make the most serious matters into light-hearted ones. The importance of life is readable to anyone from all walks of life. Daoism and Confucianism shape Lin’s views, but Lin is mostly a Daoist. He preaches the Chinese Daoist way of life of idleness and humour as the highest ideal of life, successfully reflecting on what happiness should be and how to really enjoy life. Lin wants us to appreciate simplicity and he actually talked in details on very ordinary stuffs like the best way to drink tea, on lying on a bed, on sitting on a chair or even how and what to eat.

He gives such a real representation of life that anyone can identify with and marvel at the way he brings across certain issues. Lin likes to write fictions short stories, many a times extremely ridiculous and nonsensical. Be reminded that though many stories draws from a touchy religious context, Lin does not go overboard and that we ought to seriously give it a pinch of salt. In the story, Adam and Eve lived together. But one day Adam just got so sick of Eve nagging at him that he went to God and asked God to take Eve away. So Adam grew lonely without Eve to the extent that he could not bear it any longer and went to God, asking for Eve back. This cycle took place so many times that eventually God got so sick that he washed his hands off the whole matter, with Adam and Eve stuck together forever! Lin does it again; this potential comedy central stand-up comedian gave such a realistic account of human desire of company and freedom at the same time. This particular story leaves the deepest impression, and oh……… how so much of it that I can identify with it!

Lin is a contemporary equivalent of Zhuangzhi, one of the ancient Chinese great thinkers who shaped Daoism. For those who have no idea of who Zhuangzhi is, do read Lin’s works. Lin writes as if he was Zhuangzhi, the style and humour, the way they look at worldly matters. I can’t help to suspect if he was Zhuangzhi himself, only to be writing in English instead of Chinese. Lin’s writing is pleasant to read and easy to follow, and exceptionally funny. He frees us from our own entrapping mind muddled and dull with unimportant matters of power, fame and wealth. Lin wants us to liberate ourselves, to free our souls from the pursuit of world riches. To nourish the spirit and mind by embracing simplicity and treat matters less seriously. Never had I laughed and smiled so much when I read. Reading this book is simply relaxing and soothing. It teaches us that the world is already a beautiful place and be appreciate of what we have. It is a must-read for Singaporeans who always complained of a stressful life.

The importance of life is a good book that presents to readers a practical, applicable and accurate world of Chinese Daoism through Lin’s eyes. With my deepest reverence to comment on a writer who has influenced me so much, Lin is inevitably one of the greatest writers of the century.

2008-03-31T16:02:00.002+08:00

Someone posted me a question. Why have examinations? How it came about? Who invented the examinations? I did General history of China in NUS and worked right up from my knowledge. What I knew was the the purpose of the imperial civil service exam is a way to select suitable candidates for vacancies in the bureacracy. What I didn't noe was that the invention of written exams can be attributed to China. Kudos to Confucianism that now we have to have exams in NUS and other institutions. It seems that the West was influenced by China to introduce exams as well.

"The Chinese examination system is the earliest written examinations. China is the first country that uses such a system to pick eligible candidate for officialdom. According to the Encyclopedia Britannica (11th and 14th ed.), “the oldest known system of examinations in history is that used in China for the selection of officers for the public service(c. 1115B.C.), and the periodic tests which they undergo after entry (c. 2200B.C.)” It was said that exams had its place already during the Zhou Dynasty (1100BC). Government officials in office and candidates for appointment were examined. During the powerful reign of the Han dynasty (221B.C. to 220A.D), there were measures taken to standardize the informal past practice of examination into a concise and orderly structured system.

During this period of time there is no found record of the existence of a formal examination system in civilizations of Greece, Rome, Egypt, Persia, Mesopotamia and Assyria.

Development of examinations in the West is very late compared to China. There were no formal systems of examination in Greece and Rome, nor in the Cathedral and Monastery schools till the year 1215, which is the earliest date given for western examinations. This kind of examination was mainly oral examinations, where candidates spoke and express their answer verbally. Written exams started only in the 18th century in the West.

The examination system in China plays a very important role in the Chinese society. The civil service examination system developed gradually over the years. It is through the success at the examination that the Chinese scholars gained official posts in the government that gave them power, fame and wealth.

The examinations were based on Confucian classics and nothing else. Other fields are not subjects of study for the Chinese Scholars. Confucianism stressed the cultivation of morality. For two thousand years, there had not been any changes to the focus of the exams. Scholars study for one purpose in mind, to pass government examinations in order to earn an official appointment in the government. The examination system is the only way of entering into politics. The Chinese people also regarded scholars highly with respect.

On the other hand, this system of examination serves a purpose to the government. It proved to be a cultural unity tool. Scholars preparing for the exams studied the same books, memorized the same Confucian teaching, and as a result adapted the same set of traditions and cultural values. It formed the base of the preservation of the Chinese culture of Confucianism. This is one of the underlying reasons why the China civilization could survive so many years as one of the oldest civilization in the world."

Sources:
JSTOR

I love this database. I used it in NUS, now I'm using it for my work also. Almost can find anything.

2008-03-13T16:44:00.001+08:00

This is my first book review, as a librarian. If I have made you interested in the book, I have succeeded in my objective. Hahaha.

Genre: Fiction- Fairy Tales (AYP)
Title: The happy prince and other stories
Author: Wilde, Oscar, 1854-1900
Series Title: Penguin popular classics
Publisher: Middlesex: Penguin Books Ltd, 1994
Notes: “Complete and unabridged”--cover

Call number: English WIL

Review:

Think that you are too old for fairy tales? You may have heard of the story of the happy prince when you were young but why deny yourself of a chance to read this wonderful tale again? Take a break from the world of reality that is stifling our mind of fantasy. Immerse yourself in the stories told by Wilde, as his provocative tales evokes your wildest imagination. The happy prince is an extremely powerful piece of writing by Wilde, which is compelling to read. Through Wilde’s painted imaginary world and vivid description, the emotional response provoked within each piece of writing not only touches the reader, but also infused within it, an underlying message of wisdom and morality. This version of Wilde’s writings is more suitable for older age groups rather than children, owing to the complexity of the story plot development of certain tales and the old English style of writing being used. It may not be that comprehensible for young children. It is the circulated simplified version of Wilde’s fairy tales that are more reader-friendly and popular among kids. Have forbearance that happy endings are not always found in Wilde’s fairy tales.

This Penguin Classics comprises of a number of short stories. “The Happy Prince” is the best tale out of the collection. The Happy Prince, a statue adorned with riches, witnessed the sufferings of poverty and hunger. Filled with compassion and love, he chose to give away the pieces of jewels and gold on him, through the help of a swallow, to the needy. The citizens of the town, ignorant of the happy prince’s noble acts, chose to remove him and melt down the ugly statue that is deprived of its former beauty.

In “The nightingale and the rose”, the nightingale gave up its life for the greater good of love. A young man was helplessly in love with a young maiden but she would only go out with him if he present to her a red rose, which could not be found during the time of the year. The nightingale overheard this and went out on its own to search for the red rose. The price, was high, the rose could only be grown using its own blood!

The young prince, from “the young king”, had strange dreams on the night before the coronation about the sufferings of his people. He refused to put on his robe and crown as he realized that these adornments came at the inextricably unjust price of his people’s blood and sweat. Despite the scorns and bitter remarks from his assembly of knights and even disapproval from the bishop, the young prince humbly put on plain tunic and cloak as his robe, a shepherd’s staff as his scepter and wild briar as his crown. Would the people of the state come to accept this young prince with the raiment of a beggar as the rightful king?

“The fisherman and the soul” is an imaginative tale of a young man who chose to give up his soul, his shadow, in order to live with a mermaid that he loved. In this mystic and magical tale, the man’s abandoned shadow picked up a personality and life of its own, as it travels around the world to gather riches and treasures to tempt his owner into accepting it back. Would the man be able to remain steadfast to his love and resist this temptation?

This collection of short stories is certainly worth reading, despite its old English writing. Unlike thick novels, little time is needed to finish the book. It is a good catch for you if you can’t afford much time to read. Of course, if you don’t find a particular story appealing, you can skip it, but I wouldn’t think you could bear to do so.

2008-03-07T10:20:00.002+08:00

There are two things that i should not forget. And there they are.

Our Mission: "The National Library Board's mission is to expand the learning capacity of the nation so as to enhance national competitiveness and to promote a gracious society. "

In the next five years: "We aim to bring the world's knowledge to Singapore to create a positive social and economic impact."

2008-03-03T23:24:00.003+08:00

I am GLJ (Great Librarian Javier)

A lot of briefing on the first day of work. I know my schedule and i'm starting to feel the workload already. It's gonna be very busy from now on, as I will be having extending out activities to the public, meetings, workshops, appraisals, moving from one library to another. Though my base is CCK, i will be going to different libraries in the west to work on projects. Now, I'm given the privilege to observe from the side-line and learn as much as I can. I'm gonna take over the duties of the current Librarian at the end of the month as she's relocating to another library as her base library.

No matter how daunting it looks, I am GLJ! 25 yr old! Nice to meet you.

2008-03-03T00:56:00.002+08:00

I heard this from a Buddhist play. The song was nice, the music touched my heart, the lyrics were comforting. But I could not replicate the exact words, try as I might. I used my own words, but this is the message delivered across.

"You may be having a bad time now. You are suffering and the pain is unbearable, but this will all soon pass. The suffering is not permanent, it will soon go away, like happiness, it will soon go away. This is all impermanent. Nothing stays forever. No matter how painful it is now, it will leave you. The pain, as soon as you realise, is in the past. All you have to do, is to let go, let go of everything. Then you will not feel the pain anymore. "

2008-03-03T00:48:00.002+08:00

Shit.

A monk once said this to the audience, "Life is filled with problems. Everyone has problems. It just that we face different problems. Monks have monk problems. Students have student problems. Married guys have marriage problems. Single guys have single guy problems. Life's filled with shit! And u carry that stinking shit around u. What do u do with that shit? Sometimes it just drop on u, from the sky, or from nowhere. Sometimes, other people throw their shit at u. What can we do about it? I suggest that u turn that shit into a fertiliser and used it in ur garden to grow plants. And hey, all that shit is not so bad after all."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

2008-03-02T23:45:00.002+08:00

The month had past and it was a good break from any form of work. Probably I'm a little nervous about tml or due to the wu long tea i drank in the afternoon, I'm not ready to hit my bed and get unconscious for 7hrs. A little lack of sleep is not gonna do me much harm anyway. My entire month of sufficient sleep can easily offset the sleep debt. What the hell did I do for the month? It seems to crept pass silently before I came to realisation. No work is good. it relaxing. No work is bad too. No money. No income. Cannot do a lot of things. So I find solace in the comfort of my own house and do lots of reading. I think I achieved the most, counting by the number of books I completed. All chim books. I didn't retain much of what I read. Nvm.... that's me. Stephen Hawking's "A brief history of time" claims to be readable by avergae layman but I do have problems with comphrension of the bizzare phenomenal microscopic world. Not much better with the macro world of black holes and stars. About black holes, I only remember one line..... "Black holes are not so black afterall". It leaves the deepest impression on me because I always thought that black holes cannot be seen. That's y they are called black holes. It turns out that this "black" hole emit some kind of radiation and can be detected after all. Physics has become so complex and technical that only the expert can apprehend. A outsider of the field like me can only scratch my head and ponder about what I just read. Not that it's much of a help.

Next, I'm proud to proclaim that I finally read my first Buddhist sutra. A translated english version of "Lotus Sutra" by Burton Watson. My parents are Buddhist, so naturally I'm a Buddhist too. I know a little about the teachings and central ideas of Buddhism and I habour thoughts of verifying my knowledge through a sutra. I had big findings from the book. But, sad to say, all this are more to an academic point of view, it's easy to talk about stuffs, and say that u understand something, but it is totally different in terms of carrying out what you think is correct.

This story illustrates my point. A zen story goes like this. An old man asked a monk what is the way of living. The monk replied, "Do good deeds. Avoid evil deeds." The old man laughed and said, "Even a 7 yr old kid noes this!" The monk replied," But how many people can actually do this? "

At the end of the day, The lotus Sutra talks nothing about the Lotus Sutra. Perplexed? The reality and truth is not to be spoken, but felt and understood. Lotus Sutra, 28 chapters in all, talks bout circumstances where the Sutra should be spoken and benefits of the Sutra but never mention what the sutra preaches. It's like a book where there is only the preface but no true content. Its written in a poetic form, depicts a imagined scene where Buddha was speaking to all sorts of creatures, not just the human, but also non-human. If u asked me whether I have understood the Sutra, yes and no. I understood the words. But I did not capture the true wisdom of it. Afterall, the sutra, as it claims, is the gateway to attaining Buddhahood. Any normal layman will be confused, perplexed and troubled by it. I'm a normal layman. But I'm conclusive about the central theme of emptiness in Buddhism. I spotted the parallel doctrines with that Of Daoism, in which likewise, calls for the elimnation of distinctions. Distinctions are implied when words are used. So to rid of distinctions, one must rid of words. So the truth cannot be represented by words because distinctions do not exist in truth.

Reality is not as one percieved but there is more than one reality. Humans can only observe one of it. Shockingly, quantum mechanics spoke of a similar point about a dualism. That an electron can act as a particle, or as a wave. This means that the observer affected the result of the test. Before an observer comes along and look at the electron, it can either behave as a particle, or a wave, but once an observer comes and look at the electron, the electron have to fall into either one of the two states, either a particle, or an wave, depending on the circumstances applied.

It is particularly alluring to me that I would like to draw a link between non-distinction, highligthed in the Dao and Buddhist doctrine and quantum mechanics of dualism, where we can no longer be comfortable to give a definite claim to whether an electron is a particle or an wave. This inevitably leads to a non-distinction micrscopic world, where electrons are ruled and governed by probabilties. No matter how tempting it may be and that quantum mechanics may explain many things, but theories are not permanent conclusive claims. A theory can be disproved, when results differ from predictions. The old theory can make way for a new theory. It may not be a wise idea afterall to say that Zhuangzhi, a man so much ahead of his time, had predicted quantum mechanics.

2008-02-12T15:21:00.000+08:00

Valentine's Day Blues

It is the right ambience and you hope that it can be like this forever. The candlelight dinner is perfect not because of the excellent meal, but the person who is sitting opposite of you. Valentine's Day is great if only you have a date. It's the particular day that highlights the day that you are still single. It brings that out even more when u walk on the street and realise that couples look at each other lovingly and ladies holding roses. Valentine's Day is boring for singles and u really feel more sucky than usual. Its just not that day for us. V-Day not the day for us, singletons. It's for couples. So I have no idea how I can pass the day seeing couples enjoying their moments together.

2008-02-09T21:58:00.000+08:00

Missing my life

I have been stuck to an awfully boring life before the CNY period. Because of my cough, I'm restricted to numerous activities. I'm rotting at home and it could have been worst if not for CNY. I got to go out and talk like I have never talked before. I miss my social life and I really hope that I could get well really soon. Miss drinking, miss the clubs and alcohol, miss the tea house, miss kbox, miss ECP..... so many things I wanna do!

2008-02-03T23:18:00.000+08:00

Acute bronchitis

To claim that I'm allergic to student is an overstatement. I'm prone to coughing, since young. But to be in a position of a teacher, just expose myself to more chances of chronic coughing since I need to project my voice. But as a student, i cough for the slightest reasons, drinking from water-cooler, drinking cold drinks and well, you understand my point. I'm just vulnerable to bacteria infection in my upper respiratory tract, which in short URTI. But infection can spread downwards and you call that bronchitis. I'm currently diagnosed with acute bronchitis but don't let the name mislead you into thinking its something really bad. It is.....annoying and heavy coughing but its not as serious as TB or pneumonia. Just coughing cause by bacteria that may take up to 3 to 4 weeks to recover. Yupz, and my doc prescribed me a damn heavy dose of antibiotic which behave like a nuclear warhead. It wipes out every single thing in path and my poor body is gonna take up serious damage from that. But there is no sign that my cough's getting any better. Acute bronchitis is unpleasant in this sense that you can't expect to see yourself improving even if the bacteria's not there anymore. I suppose the inflammation takes a much longer time to recover. Well, I still hope that I can get better and in time for the CNY festive season. Other wise, I will be sitting in a corner drooling at the goodies but can't have a bite of my own. That will be so tantalising..........

2008-01-31T10:52:00.000+08:00

I have went for countless interviews, but I tend to overstated my figures. Anything above 4 is like countless to me. Anyway, yes I have went for countless interviews, to the extent that it is effortless. I used to make preparations and write scripts for my interviews. But the questions do not vary much for the different interviews and I will end up giving most or less the same kind of answer. I went for the NLB interview last week. I went for another one at ASTAR yesterday. All is left for me is to wait for an answer from them. However, out of the 2 options, i am more keen to take up the NLB post. The reason is clear. I am no longer a Science person. I'm a Arts person. I spent my spare time reading great literary works from old novels like "Romance of three kingdoms" to works 鲁迅(Lu Xun) nowadays. I chance upon secondary school texts in schools and I teared when i read the touching essays in the book. It is funny that the emotional sensation has changed. When I was a secondary school student, the chinese textbook left me unfazed. Now, i feel it in those stories. I'm feeling the story, not just simply reading it. I love reading this much. What better way to express my love for Chinese than to be engaged in a profession that allows me to work with books.

It will be fulfiling to me, through my efforts, that people start to aprreciate Chinese and stop having the wrong attitude towards Chinese. Chinese is not a tool for people to do business in China. That is just superficial. My own experience tells me that the love for the language is nurtured without conscious effort through the exposure to the different aspects of the chinese culture. It comes in a package, and one thing inevitably leads to another. I look forward to the day that I become a librarian.

2008-01-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

King of Canto Pop

Sam Hui's holding a concert in Singapore on March. I doubt anyone of my age listens to his songs anymore. He may be an icon of the past but that does not devalue his songs. I find his songs to be nice and funny most of the times. The humour is in his lyrics, listen closely and you might realise how true his words reflect reality, at the same time laugh at how he cleverly pokes fun at the harsh world of cold cash devoid of the human touch of love. i won't want to miss the chance to listen to his songs live. Sam Hui's work is timeless and not something to be dismissed off. I wonder who can appreciate it with me. Hope I can find company, its too miserable to go on my own. Just check out this sistic website about the concert.

http://www.sistic.com.sg/portal/dt?dt.isPortletRequest=true&dt.action=process&dt.provider=PortletWindowProcessChannel&dt.windowProvider.targetPortletChannel=JSPTabContainer/sEventsCalendar/Event&dt.containerName=JSPTabContainer/sEventsCalendar&dt.windowProvider.currentChannelMode=VIEW&dt.window.portletAction=RENDER&contentCode=sam0308

2008-01-29T18:44:00.000+08:00

When i'm gone, would anyone feel it? Would anyone knows or discerns the difference? Would anyone wept or maybe cheer? I'm just a speck of dust in this large world. I'm insignificant. What difference would it have made? It will still be the same. Nothing changes. No one felt any difference. It will just move on.....

2008-01-29T18:35:00.000+08:00

29th Jan which means 2 more days to 31st Jan. As the date to my last day in school draws closer, I hardly felt anything about it. This can be attributed to my current health condition. Been coughing.... bad cough...felt that my lungs might be coughed out any moment. During my teaching stint, I'm vulnerable to coughing. It comes and goes. I could hardly be spared from the clutches of the bug which is BUGGING me now. No mood for anything. Just want to get well soon. 31st Jan or no 31st Jan, it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything to me, even it does spell the end of my teaching career. I just want to get well, that's all I care.

2008-01-08T10:42:00.000+08:00

The act of buying something, be it big or small, is spirit-lifting and brings joy. I cannot explain the effects of shopping for me, but i noe just one thing, i feel good. Its like the purchasing power u have and the decisions u make you feel so alive again. U feel like a living person, not Dead, once u shop! And it may not just be shopping for clothes, it can be anything. Shop and save marts give me the same satisfaction that i can get. Its just crazy that i would be so happy when i'm in shop and save, buying food stufs like tidbit, sweets, chocolates. When i touch the packet of potato chips, i feel that this is all to life. Wa ha ha! I think i'm just plain insane!

2008-01-08T10:30:00.000+08:00

I hate sales-based jobs....really really dislike sales. I don't buy the idea of convincing someone to get something. I am against the nature of sales. I prefer to provide a service. I like a sales promoter whom i approach instead and ask for recommendations. Then he answers my needs by matching wat i'm looking for and wat the product offers, not push around his goods to me which i dont even need! Still got sales target to meet and commission-based pay. Such unstable incomes that depends on how much u manage to sell at the end of the day. Crazy........"incentives" like that push sales people to desperate states. Explains sales people r so crazy and persistent in getting their stuffs offload to their customer. Wat losers! Come on people, if i need something, i will approach u! if i dont need anything, no matter how much u say, i still won't need it. The only reason i will buy it is to just please u so that u dont harrass me anymore. Stop harrassing me, u fleas..vermins.... pests!

2008-01-08T10:23:00.000+08:00

I kind of miss her, now she's not there at her table. It's taken up by someone else. It feels awkward that when i look in the direction of where she used to sit, i see someone else instead. Miss the every morning warm greetings we had for each other... miss the lunch breaks together....miss the stuffs we did together.... it feels so different without her around.

Hairspray Music Video

2008-01-01T13:02:00.001+08:00

Another Hairspray song! Good song to listen in the morning before going to work. 93.3 FM used that song too, it's changed to Good Morning, Singapore!

Without love (Hairspray)

2008-01-01T12:59:00.001+08:00

I like this song, from the movie, a musical called Hairspray. Starring the big star from High School Musical, Zac Efron. Ever since I watched High School Musical, I really like to watch musicals

high school musical 2-Bet on it (Original Version)

2007-12-31T03:26:00.001+08:00

Bet on it from high school musical 2. Very impactful song which is about determination and self-belief. Show Luo sang the chinese version, but I still like the original english version

Ashley Tisdale Not Like That OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO!

2007-12-31T03:13:00.001+08:00

2007-12-31T03:09:00.001+08:00

Trying out to paste a you-tube clip as my blog post. It works. Cool! Another nice song from one of my fave singer ashley tisdale, not like that, may i remind u all again that she's really hot!!!!!!

2007-12-25T03:11:00.000+08:00

This is the 2nd watch I made for a x'mas gift. I think its good!!!!!!! It's a bracelot watch for ladies only. NOT for guys.

2007-12-15T18:45:00.000+08:00

The Amazing World of Daiso

Unlike the usual variety of items that u can find in any local department shops or the once prominent 1.99 shop, I was marvelled by the strange gadgets and objects found in IMM Daiso. It's not the first time that I have been to a Daiso outlet. I have visited the ones in PS and Vivo, it never really captured my attention except for its unique selling point that it sells everything at 2 bucks and all things japan, in it. IMM is so much different that it sells practically anything. I have a problem trying to give IMM Daiso a proper label for the things it sells and its the biggest so far i have seen. I saw wood for sale, metal pipes and woodcraft materials. There were G-clamps and vices. These were things I used to play with when I was in secondary school doing Design and Technology. :> Yes, i play with them, not use them.... This is not all, they have pet accessories, figurines. I saw they putting Zhang Fei and Liu Bei figurines on display! This two historical figures are my faves from the three kingdoms period. It's a small dark red ones, not glass, bu some kind of a stone or marble.

Variety is one thing, but its the peculiar stuffs that left me dumbfounded and stoned. One particular item is the staple remover. There is no demand for a staple remover, at least for me. I always used the pointed tip of the stapler at the back of it, to dislodge the pesky little fellow from the papers. Its seems to me that the Japs r thoughtful, to actually design something for everything, ranging from staple removing to other activities. The design of the staple remover is remarkable, it looks like a stapler, but the difference is that at the end of it, it is replaced by very sharp ends on both of the ends. If you look from the side, it reminds me of the fangs and the mouth of a viper, yes..the viper ....a kind of dangerous snake. I have certainly really "opened my eye" to the marvels of the world. Daiso is the eighth wonder of the world. My friend who was with me, was all too shocked and lost in seeing the myriad items on display. He developed such admiration and love for Daiso that he force me to say with him that "We love Daiso".

WE LOVE DAISO!

2007-11-21T09:48:00.000+08:00

I have uploaded a new video clip to my blog. Its on the left panel right after my friend's link. Ashley tisdale is the first song to be played. I really like High School Musical and that's how i get to know her. She starred in Disney's sitcom comedy Zack and Cody but I wasn't really paying much attention to her. I didn't know she could sing until I watched High School Musical. Now, I'm beginning to find her more attractive than Vanessa Hughens. Ashley rocks! Her new version of 'kiss the girl' is done exceptionally well. I heard the original version in the "Little Mermaid" before. It was a sentimental, soft song set for a romantic mood. She totally give it a new uplift. This version rocks. It's a whole new mood that I get from her song. She does away with the romantic element and give it a different expression. It became very lively, vibrant and full of energy. The dynamics of the song is so similar to the image she giving to us, a young and energetic girl who's still got so much going on! COOL! I love Ashley! I love High School Musical!

2007-11-20T16:56:00.000+08:00

People should talk less and listen more.............

2007-11-20T16:21:00.000+08:00

I walked along the streets and the roads. People walk and past, probably oblivious of my existence. Who am I to evoke a response from them. I do not know them. They do not know me.

In a group of so called friends, the quiet one is ignored and cease to exist. Who understood what is going on? They were only polite to wait for their turn to speak, but it never comes to them. They are just being nice, but they get pushed over for the abstinence to join in the nonsense and gab. Silence is only external. Inside, many things are going on.

Extroversion is worshipped and praised for its explicit showcase of the gift. They speak and they exhibit their authority. Their words charm and people follow. Leaders are remembered but what about their men? What happen to the soft side, the peace-loving nature of introversion. Those who can be emphathetic and provide a listening ear. Those who cooperate and don't complain or defy. As far as I am concerned, I have never felt that introversion is appreciated. Must one speak aloud and bent people into listening, must one always lead. Can I just follow?I just want to listen, not speak......

2007-11-20T15:21:00.001+08:00

The festive season is around the corner. It's a month from Christmas. Its always nice to have a occasion to celebrate. It will be a good reason for us to gather, make merry, enjoy ourselves and laugh ourselves silly.

2007-11-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

I had almost forgotten about friendster, until I was reminded about its existence. Social networking online services like friendster is obsolete to me. Facebook, multiply and many more of such sites around. I just don't feel the urge to update it. I'm plain lazy. I don't have the energy to spare on such extras...... But my students have been urging me to let them have access to my account, so that they can add me. The key to getting things done is to get the tempo and rhythm going and things will progress along.

I feel like reading but i won't read. Unless i pick up the book, the momentum kicks off and i can read for many hours. Unless i start blogging, if not...the flow is off and I won't blog anymore.

2007-11-06T19:01:00.000+08:00

Why must people look at mistakes and take it so seriously? Why can't we accept imperfectness? Why do people talk so much? Don't they realise that somethings shouldn't be said? There should be a movie, call "Speech, Caution". I will direct the movie to be a spoof of Lee Ang's great work to mock all those peopel who have nothing to do and just bad-mouth people.

2007-11-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

Talk to Cao Cao's sister today. Its good to know that your good pal's sister is in the same school. At least, she could be a bridge that comes between the newcomer like me to the school. Well, i'm 5months in school but still considered a newbie, raw and fresh from the oven of NUS. Discovered a fanatic 周杰伦 fan.... and the usual punts and banter going around. School's cool when there's no students around. Ha ha ha.... i'm missing the point here already by claiming this. I was talking to my collegue and claiming how peaceful and quiet and enjoyable the school compound is without students.

I went to check out the handsbell assembly. During my time, there's no such thing as a handsbell assembly. The CCA is made up of entirely girls and I can understand y. The girls seemed well-behaved. I can recognise some of the faces. They were from the classes I taught. I felt compelled to catch them in action during their actual practise, not that I had to but i just wanted to. I was standing outside of the training room and looking through the glass windows. They were so focused, the conductor was giving the cues and I can feel her passion. Very nice piece, I cannot help but to recall the days of my Chinese Orchestra practises. Nice memories.

The girls are going to the Botanical Gardens next week. It's marvellous that they are keen to go. I had always love to go to the Botanical Gardens on my own to enjoy myself. Now, that i could go with them, its just so great. I talk to them about the swans, the ducks, the mouse, the flowers and the greens of the Botanical Gardens. I wonder if they would appreciate it like I do.

2007-11-03T18:21:00.000+08:00

I Got To Go My Own Way lyrics (High school Musical 2)

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us
Doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try
Somehow the plan
Is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've got to do what's best for me
You'll be okay

[Chorus]
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
And I watch them fall every time
Another color turns to gray
And it's just to hard
To watch it all
Slowly fade away
I'm leaving today
'Cause I gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

[Chorus]
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way

I like this song. Sang by Grabriella to Troy in the film, she decided to leave Troy. I kind of catch the part about having to leave behind something important to you, something you really treasure and appreciate. Somehow, I feel that this can be related to my current situation in which I'm deciding to leave the school. I really feel the words "I've got to move on and be who I am." Perhaps I have been thinking too much to be actually drawing relevance between two completely separate experiences.

2007-11-03T17:56:00.000+08:00

I sprain my neck. I had never sprain my neck before. I had a chilling pain when i was tossing in bed this morning. I couldn't sleep any more with that excruciating pain everytime i move my head. My movement is restricted. It hurts if I try to move my head to the right or try to move down. I try to keep very still but there is still a slight pain. The pain gets bad once I turn my head to those directions. I must have hurt myself with my bad sleeping posture. I had slept in that bed for more than 5 years with the same posture. What gone wrong this time that I hurt myself? This is one incident that logical thinking and reasoning leads me to nowhere near the truth or answer.

Last nite, I met up with my friend. She's the 2nd person that I know whom quit her job. It made me see the trend of impermanent jobs. Employees do not stick to their job long once they find it to their dislike. I don't feel that guilty anymore for not giving myself more time at teaching. Out of the blue, my tuition kid sms last nite. He was concerned and disappointed to hear that I am going to quit teaching. I appreciate his thoughtfulness and concern. I did a damn fine job of nurturing him to be such a sensitive and empathetic boy. Though my mind is set, his sms made me to think through the issue once again. I'm able to influence him somehow that he could see the potential in me to be a teacher. I think I can but not the whole class of 40 students. I'm willing to render my service to people, at a personal level. That's where my strength lies. One to one tuition is workable, not teaching the whole class. To me, class setting becomes impersonal. I can't help or interact at the personal level, rather I had to handle the students as an entire unit.

I must leave.

2007-11-02T16:00:00.001+08:00

I had a haircut today. Its a different barber. I'm fed-up with getting different results everyday of styling my hair. I just can't keep up with the consistency. Sometimes, I look really "beng", sometimes it looks like messy wild-grass. My hair has always give me problems and i never could really deal with it. Barbers have been telling me about my receding-hairline problem and my soft and oily hair makes it impossible to have any style. Without style and letting it be, I look nerdy and really out-of-trend. The hair-cut i had today is still satisfactory. He cut it in a way that it has a mild spiky effect, not the extreme and eye-catching kind which makes people look at your hair rather than you. At least, its short and i dont have to spend too much effort, hair mud, hair spray and time to maintain the style. After the cut, i just wanted to visit the toilet to take a check out my hair again. When i was leaving the toilet, two girls entered the toilet. They stared at me, then at the entrance. One of them started to giggle and try very hard to hide it by covering her mouth. I could't figure out what went wrong. It took me a few seconds to realise i entered the female toilet by mistake! Dear me, how embarassing! Its fortunate that I did not ran into anyone inside the toilet. It could really lead to a misunderstanding that no amount of explanation could resolve it.

2007-11-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

Days of being a teacher is memorable and pleasant, that i have acquainted a colleague who is also a UGT (untrained graduate teacher). Life would have been uninteresting without the "chitty-chitty bang bang" in the staff room and the experiences with the students that we share with each other. Having someone to talk to, lament to and to share ideas with at the end of the day lights up my day. To face school life alone and single-handedly would be miserable. Though she's not there to help me deal with the students, her willingness to provide a listening ear would be good enough. My co-form is also a very nice lady. Always seen smiling and laughing, very light-hearted person. The students really like her a-lot and during teacher's DAy, she was nominated by the students the most friendliest teacher if i did not remember wrongly. Just a few days ago, i happen to mention my single-hood status to her and she feels that i'm still young to worry about such things. My mentor talks too much sometimes but meant well with her good intentions. I will miss my co-form and my fellow UGT when i leave this place. Partings and farewells are bitter sorrow moments. But, at the end of the day, it still happens and we move on. This is part of life.

2007-10-31T07:50:00.000+08:00

Javier's Fables: The Mouse in the Pavilion

The Botanical Gardens is a fabulous place to visit. Quiet, serene and beautiful, your sight is spoilt for choice of delight with the diversity of plants and flowers. Such a colourful scenery and velvety greens are for all visitors to behold and appreciate. In the heart of the Botanical Gardens, there is a old pavilion known as the Bandstand. It has been used as a platform for British orchestra band to perform on while the gentlemen and ladies waltz to the music. Music has ceased to resonate from the bandstand. It is now used as a resting place for visitors of the park. Also, it is the home to a family of mouse, papa mouse, mama mouse and little mouse. Visitors who are busy with thoughts in their mind will fail to notice the family of mouse living in the bandstand. If only they could focus more on the external, less on the internal! All things, big and small, are beautiful when you just pay a little more attention. A keen observer always sees things differently as they spot details which common people fail to notice.

The last time, the two Great Thinkers, Nelson and Javier met to talk about issues and share their insight was in the Arts Canteen. How can we ever forget about the interesting discussion about the mynahs between the two of them? Now, Nelson and Javier were meditating in the bandstand to focus their thoughts and gain inner calmness. Javier stopped his meditation before Nelson. And he was there to play the role of an passive observer. At the four corners of the squarish pavilion were holes for the draining of the water that leads to the underground sewage pipes. Shortly after, a tiny head that belongs to a mouse pops out of the hole and disappears quickly. Javier had managed to catch a glimpse of it. He focus his attention on that hole. The mouse did the same thing a few times. It leaped out of the hole, only to jump back into the hole within a split second. Javier was thinking to himself, "How cute and adorable the mouse is! All things big and small is beautiful, when we are appreciative of its natural state. " Javier was fascinated by what he was seeing, that he wore a smile on his face now and watch on to see what the mouse is up to next. The mouse was agile, alert and cautious. It dared not make any advance too quickly unless its is sure that its safe. But the mouse had no idea that Javier was aware of its presence....or perhaps the mouse feels the Javier was of no threat to it, but better to be safe than sorry, it's primitive instinctive behaviour is still very much in control. The experiences from its ancestors and the changes over the years through evolution had taught it to be always on lookout and not to be complacent. Whatever it is, Javier has no intention of malice, he is merely interesting in watching. The mouse is heading towards the wooden chair. The chair is not its destination, merely a hiding place for it. Javier concludes that the mouse is scouting for food but fail to spot any. Another mouse then emerge from the same hole with a small mouse following closely behind. "Ah... So its a family of mouse. How nice and wonderful!" Javier thought to himself.

Nelson had finished his meditation. He was very curious when he saw Javier smiling and asked him why. Javier told him about the mouse. Nelson replied," How can you find the mouse adorable and cute? They are vermin! Pests! Carrier of disease! Creatures of the foul! Surely, you cannot associate with something like that, can you? " "That may be true but when i was watching them, I did not think of it that way. I do not see them as pest, vermin or creatures of the foul. All I see is an animal that is part of the whole nature that we are in. I see it as what it is, a mouse, merely a mouse with no attachment of labels to it. A mouse as a mouse, that's all. I'm appreciating the mouse at this very moment, because I did not think too much, just observe and be here in this instant. " Nelson said," i do not understand. Please care to explain." Javier replied, "Perhaps this story will make you understand, I call it the 'The man and the raspberries' "

There was a traveller. He was walking in the forest when he spotted a tiger. The tiger gave chase and the man accidentally fell off a cliff while he was running away from the tiger. He manage to hang on to some branches and roots at the side of the cliff. With the tiger, waiting to prance onto him if he climbs up to the cliff, things just got worse when he notice that there were two rats gnawing on the roots that he was holding onto. He was in a dire state, he panic and was at lost what to do. Suddenly, he saw some raspberry within sight. He was so happy that he reach out for it and pop a few into his mouth. "Hmmm...nice and delicious"

Javier finished telling his tale and asked Nelson, "Do you understand what the story means?" Nelson replied"How delightful I am that one story made me understand the universal truth! The man knew that he was in danger. But he seize the moment he was in when he ate the raspberry and felt happy about it when he knew that the next moment he might fall of the cliff and die. We should not dwell on the past, neither should we worry about the future. Appreciate what we have now and respond to the situation we are in. Likewise, when you were watching the mouse, you enjoy what you were seeing at that instant with no attachments of the past and future. Our knowledge tells us that a mouse is a pest but when u were watching it, it was merely being itself, not a pest. So it is not a pest. It is as it is, a mouse as a mouse. I understand what you mean now. " Javier nod and both satisfied with the time spent in the bandstand, the two of them left the pavilion for the lake shortly after.

2007-10-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

2007-10-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

Unexplanable Emotions

Never attempt to explain or understand your feelings. Its a enigmatic mechanism that determines part of you. The beauty of humans is that we are rational and that we are emotional too. Its something that speaks from your heart but its indescrible, when you try to explain your emotions.

I thought i have made my mind to leave the school. But after the games with my class today, some strange feelings started to kick in.... Its the feelings of 不舍得 (Bu She De) i dont noe how to put it in english....could not bear to leave my students? But somehow in english, it doens't sound rite... diff. from what it means to me in chinese. Bu She De.... means more than not bearing to leave. Its a sense of attachment, and belonging. To not be willing to abandon that. To be mixed with a feeling of sadness and grief with the choice of parting with it.

I may feel like this today, but what can be guranteed of tml? will i feel like this tml? will i feel otherwise tml? Can't say.. can't be determined for sure. That's y it is called emotions or the ever-changing feelings.....

2007-10-24T20:43:00.000+08:00

Sub-consciousness of Confucian thoughts

I had to emphasize again that it's totally out of my expectation that I could ever be like this, to say things like this, to think like this so effortlessly. For the first time, it seems so natural and so genuine that I could hardly believe that I would say anything like this. It's actually hidden somewhere inside of me, and that now it gets uncovered by itself, without any conscious effort. I'm adapting. I'm changing. I'm learning it and getting at it. I feel so humane... in a sense that it's not acting anymore. I'm truly myself when i said those words. Words that resonate Confucian thoughts of human nature.

On that instant, words just come out from my heart, sincere words. I was saying things to the student for her bad conduct in class. Those who are familiar with Confucian thoughts will definitely see and understand what I'm talking about. I tend to remember every single word I said, and hence made this entry possible to be reproduced in my blog.

"Now that you have been though your primary school, you should know what is appropriate in class and what is inappropriate in class. I think there is no need for me to list out to you the school rules, now that you are in secondary school. You would have it in your heart. Everyone can be good. Everyone knows how to be good. It is inside of you. And i know your nature is good, and that sometimes bad conduct simply manifest in you. But you always have a choice, to be good or bad, its all up to you. "

Human nature is always good. That's what Mencius has claimed, and the slogan of his philosophy. Xunzi however, believes that human nature is bad. Perhaps there is no point in arguing who is right and wrong, for this thoughts survived long ages and still find itself existing till this very day. Perhaps there is no contradiction, only a matter of preference of which idea to be comfortable with. This is like the fact that some people like the taste of sweetness, some like sourness, some enjoy spiciness.

Today, i actually said something Confucian without me knowing it. That is always what i have wanted to try to achieve, to attain effortless living. that's so Cool.......And i shall remember this day and mark its significance in my life.

2007-10-24T20:27:00.000+08:00

It's a crazy crazy Day

It was a clear morning, which is a go-sign for the games to commence. The school has organized inter-class games as the post-exam activities for the first half of the day. Today, the sec. one students get to play captain's ball. The players in my class were fantastic. They were superb. I was there for them all the way. I cheer, shout and jumping with ecstasy as I got so absorbed in the atmosphere that i created myself. I got the morale of the class up, my other students got influenced as well as they see me so excited like never before. They keep asking me to calm down but i couldn't. Its just being myself. I was running from one side of the court to the other, shouting whenever my class is in possession, crying out in elation whenever my class scores. I don't think I had ever been like that and I would ever be like. Seeing them play like that, just makes me want to give them my utmost support. As a spectator, its the most i can do. No teacher was as crazy as me at that moment. And when my class emerged champions, the triumph is so sweet and satisfying. I just can't control myself that upon the blowing of the whistle, i run into the court and hug the players and we start to stack up onto each other on the ground,we were a bunch of tired players but happy ones. What other way to celebrate our victory than to get together and appreciate each other's effort and contribution towards the game, to play our heart and soul, to be part of the team... WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!

2007-10-24T00:03:00.001+08:00

It has been made official now, and that the upper management level has learn of my intentions of leaving the teaching force. I was called into the principle's office. Speaking to him for the very first time, but with the V-P and HOD around, I was asked to comment about my stand on teaching. I had to make a decision with two paths to chose from, to stay and teach for 3 years or to leave and pursue something else. Face with such a situation, I decided to be frank and honest with them and given them a sincere answer...... the truth, my heartfelt thoughts. From the very first day of teaching, I fail to have a change of heart, that I would want to carry on teaching. The initial stage of adaptation, will always make it a little hard to accept new things. I dislike my tuition sessions initially too, but i grew to enjoy it. But in this case, being a teacher, to face a class of forty students, to be accountable for the students, to discipline the students, to deal with difficult students.......... at the end of the day, I do not enjoy what i'm doing in class. At times, i admit to my collegues that the paper work and admin matters is much better than to teach in class. To most teachers, administrative matters is distasteful and grew dreadful of it. I felt otherwise, which probably is self-explanatory, when the factor of teaching in class is brought into consideration.

My experience in school is not entirely bad, some nice moments....just a few of that... I'm proud to also say my form class is the better-behaved class out of the other classes I teached. Occassionally, my students who run into me would say to me that they would hope that i teach them next year. My form class also requested that I should be their form teacher next year. Well, to be honest, I do feel some kind of attachment to my form class. That's the class I will scold because I feel that I have to. Its rather strange to claim that, I'm acting to be stern, most of the time. My close friends know about this, that I have shared with them. To me, being firm and stern does not come naturally. It is something artificial, like a masquerade that I put on. To scold or discipline students is something I don't noe how to do, which i find it very hard to do. I'm acting like a teacher. I'm acting most of the time. I know that it is neccessary to instill discipline in class, but it does not come naturally. I don't noe why i can't do it. But when it comes to my form class, most of the time but not all the time, when i do discpline the kids, it comes rather naturally. Could it be because of the personal attachment I have to the students that results in this? I do not know. Perhaps, unconsciously, my heart does the distinction. When I say something to them, attached to the words are my sincere words from my heart. That's the class which I know the students well. And of course remember their names.

It was not a clear cut choice that I have made abruptly. I have taken a serious thought to the matter, weighing both sides of the deal... the things i will like about teaching, the things that i don't like about teaching. I have to make a choice. The answers are actually all inside of me already, buried deep inside. All I have to do, is to discover that inner-self. This is the decision that I have made. I will have to move on to pursue something else that is more suited to my nature.

2007-10-20T11:59:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to do, I walk around in class to talk to the students. I love that more than teaching. Teaching is so dry to me...so boring....so lethargic to teach science on a class level. I still prefer one-to-one tuition, where things can progress more on a personal level. Its hard to understand 40 students at one go and to understand one student whom you face for 1.5hrs during the tuition session. In class teaching, I always feel a big gap.....though physically I'm there, but deep down, I feel very far from the students, I can feel the void and distance... and I'm unable to fill up that distance. I don't know y... and I dont noe how. I like to talk cock with students. But i noe i can't do it during my lesson. Post-exam period is the most conducive period of time to talk cock with the students. One of the students asked me whether i got girlfriend. Well, the answer is no. She replied that she have a boyfriend.

"You shouldn't try to have a relationship",

"y not, teacher",

"because you will end up being hurt at the end of the day. Can you cope with that?"

Bitter-sweet.... it can be really sweet, during that very instant, you will have thought that the very reason you live in this world is to find this special person and live with her forever and for eternity. She is everything you ever needed. Yet it can be so bitter, that you wish that you would just die off so that you won't have to suffer like that anymore.

I have moved on. And i'm not sure, at times, whether i can cope with another heart-wreaking matter of such. No one likes to live in misery, no one likes to get hurt, but I think that we shoudn't run away and escape from that glimpse of happiness just for the fear of that. It's about being strong to handle that. In life, you toughen yourself up, step by step, no matter how small each step is. Running away from a obstacle will never do you good. Somehow, you will run into that same situation again. When you are in that situation, r u ready to face it? R u able to learn from it despite the dissappoinment, pick youself up, move on, and face it again? Some chose not to, but I know We ALL CAN. But kids at that age..... I noe they are not ready yet. They don't noe so many things..... which we do noe..... They are not ready yet.

2007-10-20T11:28:00.000+08:00

There was nothing much to do, not anything to do with proper lessons or official school activities in class. Its the period of time teachers and students can look forward to and appreciate. Post-exam period is relaxing to a certain extent, at least there's no lesson, just paper work, lots and lots of score updating and ammendments. I relish the paper work, though it can be quite tiring. The earlier part of the period is hellish, marking scripts is a terrible ordeal which strains your back and blur your vision. Leaving school at wee hours of 7, all I can do is to go home and sleep. Yes, 7 is considered late for a teacher to be going home, considering that I report to school at 7.30am. The second half of the period, which will be the next coming week, would be heavenly. Papers have been marked. Score have been entered into the database. Student's remark is done with. Promotion excercise is completed yesterday. I was "dumped" by my co-form teacher, my collegue who should have been there with me to oversee the whole discussion. Well, I was called into action as I was asked to comment on one of my students in the consideration of advancement to the next level. It was so stressful. Well, I always hated to speak in front of the public. Now, they expect me to speak in front of my HODs, V-Ps, Principal and all the teachers. A little too much to handle for a new UNTRAINED CONTRACT teacher who was given five classes to teach and to be a form teacher of a class while the other permanent teacher with more years of experience than me, to be the Co-Form of my class. AND she's not even present to speak for the class. On the other hand, let's be positive a bit and view it as a good experience. It does. I mean it is really good that i expose myself to mass discussion like this to gain the insights into the perspective of streaming. I consider the segregation of students into express stream, normal academic and normal technical to be classification according to intellectual capabilites. And this inherent characteristic is measured in view of his academic performance. During the discussion, some views are quite contradictory. I dont understand.....at first i thought i do....then i don't noe anymore about the purpose of the whole excercise. It seems to me that promotion to the next level is a certain thing, to give students a second chance. Given the attitude problems and poor performance, students will still move on the the next level instead of retaining or shifted from express to normal. The reason given for not doing so is to fear that such a degrading move will further deteoriate the student's performance and attitude. I have to agree that this will have a impact on the student's morale. But that is the problem of streaming in the very first place. So what justifies a poorly performing student to remain in the express stream? Sec 1 still young, still can give chance? Ok, i think i will buy that for now. Fair eoungh, Let's be a bit more forgiving and give chance. But who can give the students in normal academic a second chance, who in the first place is demoralised by streaming already. There are students who adavnce from normal academic to express, the minorities..... What about the majorities, who will still continue to spiral down, to a bottomless pit...into abyss......

2007-10-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

It was totally caught of by surprise by the efficiency and the pace things go. I sent in the application form online last night, applying for the post of a personal financial manager for DBS bank and this morning they call me up and want me to go for the interview tml. I'm exhilarated no doubt, their response showed the how much they value their applicants. Things look positive, i sort of have a gut feeling that the nature of this job is complementary to my own personality. I'm not really too concerned about the pay, a teacher's pay is high, but i think i will sent most of the money on medical bills eventually....... so the pay evens out to nothing. hahahah.... I noe i shouldn't place my hopes too high, but i'm already looking forward to the change of working environment. What am I thinking of? I'm not even clear about the exact details of my job scope! I have to calm my nerves and stay cool......

2007-10-02T13:52:00.000+08:00

From "The importance of living"

There was a devotee who has strong faith in Buddhism. She would chant "Ambitabha" three hundred times at night, before she sleeps, to accumulate good merit and blessing for her family. Her son was quite the opposite of her, for he does not believe in this practice of the religion. One night, when the women was chanting, the son would call out to her every time she finish one line. So she was irritated and asked the son to shut up. The son replied: "Wouldn't Buddha feel as irritated as you do if he can hear you calling out his name 300 times?"

2007-10-01T18:59:00.000+08:00

Its the examination week for the students. Boy, am I wrong that I could enjoy some peace from the students! The kids are crazy and i'm frustrated about their activeness. I had no means of controlling them when i invigilate my own form class. The two clowns in my class kept doing things to make the rest of the class laugh. I couldn't keep them quiet during the exam!!! What has the world come to? Don't they have the slightest idea that there should be absolute silence to concentrate on exams? Such chaos is unprecedented during my school days. Kids are going wild nowadays. No law, no rules.... they simply don't care anymore.......

I'm relieved that i won't see them for the other papers. Today's invigilation went rather well. At least they were doing their papers, not doing something else instead. Upcoming highlight would be the marking of accretion of exam papers. Sick and tired, I miss the peace and solace of quietness, when can i go to the botanical gardens again?

2007-09-22T13:08:00.000+08:00

Lost

When you travel, when you move place to place, you have a start point and a end point. There is a destination in mind. When you reach your destination, you can give yourself a pat in your shoulder and feel satisfied, in which you achieved what you set out to achieve. This the conventional way of thought. What if there is another way to travel? Would you dare to try it? I have heard that the spirit of travelling is to not have a plan in mind. In this way, you get to explore all the possibilities. In this way you get to get lost. The true joy in a journey is to not know what to expect and to really be spontaneous. There is no need to plan. There is no need to fret in getting lost. Perhaps, our life journey do not really have a goal.

2007-09-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

I find 881 a marvellous piece of artwork. The audience must get one point straight; it is a musical. The genre itself suggests that the expression through the songs plays a more crucial role than the narrative element. One must at least watch a opera or any other musical first so that you will not get disappointed with the show. I can't help myself but to fall in love with the songs during the show. As I flow along with the lyrics and tune, I got totally immersed in it. Occasionally, I sway along with the music. Yes, of course, a few teardrops at the scenes of death. 881 is no flop; its incoherence, weird sense of humour and wild exaggeration should be forgiven and taken in a light-hearted manner. After all, spectators don't think too much about a getai, do you? Songs are one of the most primitive form of emotional expression. The word emotion itself carries no meaning at all in it the notion of rationality and logic. So when you watch 881, laugh when you should, empathise when you should and cry when you should. That's what its all about.

2007-09-10T16:36:00.000+08:00

Why is most of the blog already dead? I want to read, yet most of my friend's blog is undergoing a dormant state. Come on, you guys, get going and entertain me.

2007-09-05T11:43:00.000+08:00

As I was looking at my graduation gown, I can't help but to be overcome with sadness and regret. I sighed that time creeps away without you realising it. The terrible mistake is that I didn't make full use of the time and opportunities in NUS. It could have been so much more. I could have achieved more and did much more and had an enriching experience, my kind of way. And so it's lost, time can never come back. But what is lost? I asked myself. Was i just being emotional and so I long for the past or was it really so that I did not maximise the potentials and to realise it? I sat and I think. If I had wasted my time for the past three years, what do i mean by that? And so how can i not waste my remaining years?

I chose the hard way for the remaining last year to do a minor in china studies. I thought that the seek of knowledge is a meaningful way to spend time in NUS. And then i realise that doing 6 modules make me so tired that i can't think of anything else. Keeping myself busy did not fill that void i felt in my heart and the end of the day. Something is still missing. For the first two years of NUS, I try to have a social life with the mafias. They were one bunch of fun people to hang out with. I thought it could be the key to happiness, somehow, for I had always been a anti-social guy before NS days. I had to really admit that I was really AS(anti-social). Social outings was something quite new to me. I tried and don't really feel comfortable at the end of the day. Still, something is missing. But then after i started teaching, I started to really appreciate myself and have fun with these guys. I just realise that I can be sociable, but it takes a long time for me to get use to the people. I need to take a long time to warm up to crowds, groups of people. This kind of fun, somehow, beats the hours of satisfaction I will derive from reading chinese journal articles in the Chinese library. Sure, I do enjoy reading the "General History of China", or even "Zhuangzhi" or "Analects". Books are still books, they are dregs of the dead people. They can't talk or interact with you. At some point of time, its the social context you are in that makes you who you are. Your self-worth, your purpose in life, who you are and what you do is still bounded by the society. Its the people around you and how you interact with them that is more important.

So as i am doing my thinking, i decide to reassess my priorities in life, to make sure that I shall not waste my time anymore from this point onwards. My deepest regret in NUS, would perhaps be that my social circle was increasing at a snail's pace and hardly wide at all. But then, i had made a few really really great friends. Perhaps, I also felt that it was a waste that I had not gone for any SEP, to China, where I could have see for myself the wonderful China. I had the chance to know friends of my age group in China and to interact with them, to hear their stories and to share the passion of its history and culture.

So what are my priorities in life? I shall list them in order, with the highest importance on the top, so that i shall remember them by heart, and not to let time waste away again without achieving wat I had wanted to.

1)Social relationships
2) Personal interests
3) Career achievments

2007-08-27T22:16:00.001+08:00

There are moments in school which i enjoy. Students have left. Activity diminished to almost nothingness. The evening is always enjoyable, the time which nothing would rush me to leave. I take my time and stroll around to appreciate the tranquility and moment of peace. The school can be peaceful indeed. I can hear the gush of water into the pond. Although it is artificial, I could care less that it is so. I close my eyes and listen with my heart. My heart felt peace. I look at the greens and although it can be no greater than the botanical gardens, i couldn't care less. It is beautiful in it own way. Within the school, this artificial and cold builiding, I should be glad that there is still that trace of nature lurking somewhere. I am a lover of Dao, yet i have not attain the dao. They say that those who do will find peace even in busy cities. They are unaffected by the environment and still be at ease in their heart. When the students make noise, my heart is disturbed and can't find the peace. Only when there is quietness, that i can feel tranquility. Alas, this is better than those who do not know where to find peace. I have a friend who is extremely upset about the fact that he needs to re-format his computer. The lost of important files is so painful to him. Yet, i re-format my computer with little concern at all. Losing the pictures means nothing to me. To be free, yes....... that's what it is all about.

2007-08-21T17:15:00.000+08:00

A fair maiden

Where can i still find a fair maiden? A coy, demure and gentle lady who reads my heart and mind. She will be a fine companion, and beyond that,a life partner whom we shall stay side by side together, even if the earth and sky is to perish, we still stand strong and persist. Our hearts shall interwine and we know each other's intention without speaking. Words shall mean nothing for the two of us. Let us appreciate life by abandoning the woes of life. We shall spent our time in the quiet and serene mountains, watch the full moon and recite our poems. In the day, we shall be in the bamboo grove. Not bringing any chairs to spoil the natural landscape, we will sit on any rocks available, and just watch and listen. To see te bamboo sway among the wind, is to appreciate the grace and delicate nature of the world. Yet no one will sit down and watch for even a second.

2007-08-21T17:01:00.000+08:00

1800-hotline

It's time for me to dial the chat hotline again. Talking therapy is the way for me to feel good at the end of the day. Talkng does the wonder, just talking will do the trick. Perhaps that's y students can't help but to talk in class. the chat hotline is not the real 1800 hotline, but a joke i thought of once i was talking to my god-sister. I have the habit of calling friends to chit-chat for hours. I can do it so often and spent so much time on it. It makes me feel good after a couple of laughs and experiences shared. I just made a remark that it feels like calling the 1800 counselling hotline to just talk about anything and make urself feel good. Who shall i call tonite?

2007-08-10T13:54:00.000+08:00

Hannah Montana!!!!!!!!

I don't expect a lot of people to know who she is. Probably, no one my age would have any idea who she is. Hannah montana is the name of the comedy drama series that is on-going on disney channel. The name of the show takes after the main character, who is playing a dual role. She is a average next door girl in school but her secret identity is hannah montana, a teen pop singer who would send the crowd screaming and going crazy over her presence! The show is very witty and funny, which would sent me laughing till the house knows that i'm around. Sometimes, it can be really meaningful. One of the appeals of the show is the really nice songs sang by hannah montana. I sincerely think that she has the makings of a real teen pop sensation. Her voice is really good and she can really sing. She rocks and for her age, she's simply fabulous. Her songs, though structured in a way that appeals to teen, has mesmorised me with the sensitve and delicate emotinal expression and also very inspirational. Oh well, hack care those who think her songs are lame. I will still love her songs no matter what the others think. I read that her album sold very well in the states and her songs were on the billboard. When i'm feeling down because i screw things up, i will listen to this song for motivation.

Nobody's perfect

Everybody makes mistakes...
Everybody has those days...1,2,3,4!

(x2)Everybody makes mistakes,Everybody has those days.
Everybody know's what, what I'm talking 'bout,
Everybody gets that way.

Sometimes I'm in a jam,
I gotta make a plan,
It might be crazy,
I do it anyway.
No way to know for sure,
I figure out a cure,
I'm patching up the holes,
But then it overflows.
If I'm not doin' too well... (clap clap, clap)Won't be so hard on myself...

Nobody's perfect!I gotta work it!
Again and again til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect!
You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes,Nobody's perfect...

Sometimes I work a scheme,
But then it flips on me.
Doesn't turn out how I planned,
Get stuck in quick-sand.
No problem, can be solved..Once I get involved!
I try to be delicate,Then crash right into it!
But my intentions are good (yeah yeah yeah!)
Sometimes just mis-understood...

Nobody's perfect!I gotta work it!
Again and again til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect!You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes,
Nobody's perfect!I gotta work it!
I know in time I'll find the way,
Nobody's perfect...

Sometimes I fix things up,And they fall apart again,(Nobody's perfect...)
I know I mix things up,But I always get it right in the end.. (You know I do!)

Talking:Next time you feel like,
It's just one of those days,When you just can't seem to win.
If things don't go the way that you guys planned,Figure something else out!
Don't stay down!Come on everybody... Try again!...

(x2)Everybody makes mistakes,Everybody has those days.
Everybody know's what, what I'm talking 'bout,Everybody gets that way.

Nobody's perfect!I gotta work it!
Again and again til I get it right.
Nobody's perfect!You live and you learn it!
And if I mess it up sometimes,
Nobody's perfect!I gotta work it!
I know in time I'll find the way,
Nobody's perfect,I gotta work it,
'Cos everybody makes mistakes..

Nobody's perfect.Nobody's! Perfect!No No!
NOBODY'S PERFECT!...

2007-08-08T11:48:00.000+08:00

Its a long weekend for teachers. National Day itself is a public holiday. For students and teachers, it's a practise that there will be no school after the National Day. I really need that break to think about things. After trying to teach for a week, I have to admit that the expectations of a teacher is not as simple as what my dad would always say. He does business and he said its a dog eat dog world out there. OF course, i know what its like in business. I read romance of the three kingdom. Its all about plots, schemes, politics, networking. Doing business is like fighting a war. He believes that kids are much easier to handle. He has been persuading me to stay in the line, with this reason as his main concern. Students are naive and adorable. Ha ha ha, i laugh at this fantasy. It is half-true. I have foreseen the problem before i start teaching. My tuition kid gives me the problems, but its only one kid. The key problem here is to do with my personality. I'm a carefree daoist advocate. Maintaining discipline and consistency is something of an opposite pole to my nature. I have always give in to my tuition kid, even if he does not do his assignments or disrupt my lesson. I never fixed the problem, but just flow along the river and be patient with him. It's more of like getting use to it, rather than eliminating the negative behaviour going on during lesson. We became more like friends instead as time pass and he would do his stuffs out of friendship more than the student-teacher respect. I do not see myself capable of extending this relationship to an entire class of 40 students in school for now. How do u make friends with people who don't listen to u; who purposely go against what u said?

Packaging your lessons in an interesting manner to captivate the students is a another huge challenge. I have always been a boring down to earth person, the best I can do is to fantasize myself as an ancient Chinese man and behave like one crazy man, that's all! Speak about creativity, that's just telling me to not be myself. There is the conflict between putting myself back to my comfort zone and to step out of it bravely to handle such challenges. How to know whether I can really succeed? Only time tells. My heart says to me to stop the nonsense and leave, but my mind says that u never know until u hang on tight and give it a shot. Which one is correct?

2007-07-22T02:19:00.001+08:00

There is no way of life as carefree as a Taoist ought to be.

There is no philosophy that emphasizes morality as much as Confucianism.

There is no value as important as filial piety.

There is no novel as captivating as the Romance of the three kingdoms.

There is no drink as refreshing as the Wu Long tea.

There is no history as glorious and vibrant as the 5000 years of history of China.

There is no language as beautiful as the Chinese language.

there is nothing more that i can say........

2007-07-22T01:54:00.000+08:00

What can be worse than not being urself ? What can be as terrible as bottling up ur emotions within u and refuse to come clean with urself? I have not heard a man who has not been happy. And so I embrace happiness and be happy. A happy man shall be as happy as lark, to wear a smile on his face and to not forget to drink to add to his joys. I have not heard of a man who has not been sad. So I embrace sadness. I become disenchanted, put on a long face, face disappointment and not to forget to down my sorrows with some good wine. One's emotions is about conflicts and contradictions, unfathomable and enigmatic to speak of. It is like a ocean wave, at its high point and reaches it low point. There are moments of happiness and sadness. When a man is happy, he should be happy and when a man is sad, he ought to be sad. A man can be happy and sad. So can a happy man turn sad the next moment, vice verse. And when we ask for happiness in our lives, I wonder what it is? Is it about getting the right job? Is it about finding a life partner and settling down to start a family? Is it about doing the things u want to do? Is it about having the freedom to do what u want to do? Is it about helping the needy so that u will find satisfaction from it? Is it about hanging out with ur friends? Is is about drinking good tea or wine? Is it about going to places u would like to go? So is sadness about not getting all these things? I wonder.

2007-07-02T17:05:00.000+08:00

Deviation from the course

As easy as it can be for one to enjoy solitude life, so is it easy for one to feel lonely and sad when spending time alone. Last nite, I went through a period of sadness of emptiness. So my thoughts run wild and I had to compare myself to others and felt bad about myself. I felt that my life was wasting away as I haven't accomplish much in life. I was so upset that I couldn't sleep till 4am. This morning when i woke up, I was feeling as bad. Then, I stop thinking, and tell myself that I'm in my bedroom. There's nothing else. Stop thinking. I stop all my bad thoughts and I feel ok once again. I'm more convinced now that I have been living in my thoughts too much and hadn't got much out of this real world. Stop thinking and start living!

2007-06-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

What is zen? It is something that fits into your hand.

I chose to live in simplicity and self-reflection during this vacation. I was trying to live a life on my own, away from people and the hustle and bustle of the city, so that i can learn to enjoy solitude and loneliness. I had some insights, as I tried these new experiences. On the quest to find my true self, and to find what's the best way to live one's life. What luck I had as I stumbled upon treasures of wisdom, written works passed down by great writers. It was merely a stroke of coincidence that I found a book "The importance of living" by Liu Yutang. An english book written by a Chinese Prof. His work enthralled me. He has adopted the spirit of Zhuangzhi, to advocate laziness and simplicity. To him, the way of life is to just idle and be humorous. He proposed the half-half philosophy, integrating Confucianism and Taoism as the way of life. I hardly could disagree with him. A contemporary writer applying ancient Chinese wisdom to daily modern life, he proves that ancient wisdom can still be practised till the very day. It has not grown obsolete in this rapid growing world of materialistic comfort.

So happy I was that I gaily went to botanical gardens and east coast park on my own, to enjoy the nature the way I never did. The essence of Zen and Taoism is so simple, yet so difficult to be practised. Zhuangzi, had, through his philosophical works, thought us not to think so much and just flow along with the course of the river. The bad thing about being a human, is the concept of distinction. That is the root of all problem. There is hatred, and so the opposite exist. Love and hatred complements. Life and there is death. Sadness and there is happiness. Good and bad. Beautiful and ugly. Abandon thinking, spontaneous action is the key to handling all matter. It has a scientific background. I shall care to explain this. Have u heard of a reflex action? It's a automatic response from our nervous system to deal with situations where fast action is required. When we commit an action, and stop down to think and analyse, some precious time is lost in the mood of thinking. If u touch a hot kettle, your hand automatically retracts to avoid burn damage. If u slow down, distinguish it and tell urself that the kettle is hot, and then process the information with your brain that what u should do, finally u react, how much time is wasted for the whole process. Think about it urself, by that time, your hand could have been burn already. Stopping down to think is bad in this case. These ideas can be found in Lao Tze's teachings. I found some passages that imply this.

The Daodejing

Chapter Two

Everyone in the world knows that when the beautiful strives to be beautiful, it is repulsive.
Everyone knows that when the good strives to be good, it is no good.
And so, to have and to lack generate each other.

This talks about opposites and how they co-exist with each other. The uselessness of desires is that the more u want something, the more u drift away from it. Don't say i want something, just do it! The style of nike!

Chapter 19
Cut off sageliness, abandon wisdom, and the people will benefit one-hundred-fold......
Cut off cleverness, abandon profit, and robbers and thieves will be no more.....
Manifest plainess.
Embrace simplicity.
Do not think just of yourself.
MAke few your desires.

Do not think, do not think highly of wisdom. Wisdom and knowledge is the root of all problem. When Eve and Adam ate the fruit of the Tree of knowledge, they got knowledge and got into trouble. God kicked them out of the paradise they used to be in. To get back to the Eden gardens, put the fruit of knowledge back to where it is. Abandon knowledge!

Fine tune your senses, train urself to be in what u r, then u will know how to react appropriately. Thinking doesn't help. Wanting something and desiring it also does not help u to achieve ur goal. A Zen master told me. The way to attain peace in ur heart is so simple, yet so difficult to do for so many people. This is also what Lao Tze had said before.

Chapter 70
My teachings are easy to understand and easy to implement;
But no one in the whole world has been able to understand or implement them.
My teachings have an ancestor and my activities have a lord;
But people fail to understand these and so I am not understood.

The Zen master carried on with his explanation. It is so simple, yet so difficult for people to do it. I wonder how many people can attain this level of tranquility. The way of life, is to be in what you are doing, the mindfulness mind of awareness. That is all. When u take a train, take a train. When u watch a movie, watch a movie. When u listen to a lecture, listen to a lecture. When u eat, just eat. When u talk, just talk. When u shower, just shower. When u sleep, just sleep. When u drink a good brew of tea, just drink the tea. I wish to abandon the thinking mind. It is thinking that brings about negative thoughts. It is distinctions that give rise to discrimination. But since i'm born with it, i shouldn't try so hard to be stupid and forget knowledge. I can have the best of both worlds.

So here i am, sitting in my house. Drinking my tea, not thinking about anything. So here I am, in the botanical gardens, being one with nature. I feed the swans at the swan lake. I saw two mices trying to steal food at the bandstand, a favourite picnic spot for visitors. I saw a bird catch an earth worm and enjoy its meal after its hunt. I saw pigeons flying around, cooing, not daunted by the presence of humans. I saw dogs run happily in the fields, they look happy. How do i noe they are happy? I noe it because they seem to be not thinking about anything at all, just running. I saw bougainvilleas and hibiscus plants. I saw a green fern and i went forward to feel the fern for myself. I flipped the leaves and look at the spore bags underneath. I saw three birds resting at a rock. I didn't know its name. For a moment, I was fooled into thinking that they were part of the decor. They were motionless and looked unalive. Then I was startled when one flapped its wing and flew off. Before I knew it, I was hungry and went for dinner.

When i'm on the train, everyone else don't seem to be on the train. Their minds are somewhere else. I observe those people around me. Some people were sleeping, some talking to their friends, kids play game boy, adults read newspaper. This jc kid was so into smsing. A women dressed in the business attire stares blankly. She seems to be lost in her own thought. I was the only one on the train. Some look back at me when they realise I'm looking at them. Maybe, they weren't so distracted afterall. I was a observer. And I see so many things I never use to see.

I have grown to like simplicity. So what is zen? Zen teaches u the way of life. The way of life is something so simple. It is something that can even fit into your palm.

2007-06-20T01:11:00.001+08:00

I went to watch spider-lilies on my own. I was fully aware it's a art house film, made with intention of flaunting the aesthetical nature rather than a commercial film made for the audience's taste. I appreciate such films, owing to exposure and knowledge from one of the film modules I took in NUS. I wanted to watch this film, despite I know no one else would one to go. The fact that it's a Taiwanese film, a female director and the likes of Rainie Yang and Isabella Leong drives me to want to catch the film. According to my knowledge, there is not a lot of prominent female directors in the movie industry. Every director has their way of telling their story. A female perspective offers something new and refreshing. Though the show is not highly rated by the reviews and revolves around the theme of lesbians, it has much more to offer than what I had thought it would be. I enjoy the movie a lot, at least that's what I feel. The movie does not deserves the criticism that does so much injustice to its plot.

Zero Chou tells a sad tale of loneliness, emptiness and the burdens of memories and fantasies with her own style. The chinese name of the film, chi ching which means tattoo would be a more important theme than the lesbian element in the show. Every tattoo is significant. The tattoo is the identity of its bearer. The tattoo makes the bearer who he is. Jade (rainie)wants a spider lilly tattoo on her because she was forever obsessed with her first lover, who had the spider lilly tattoo on her.(her first lover is actually Takeko. but it was only one-sided, Takeko took no fancy of her) There was a punk on the show who felt his only existence was through his prove of might by beating up people on the street. He felt strong only when he had a sabre tattoo on both his arms. Chou is not the only director nor the first who plays with identity formation through external tangible objects. One common cinematic language is the use of clothes in relation to identity. But to say so about the significance of the tattoo to its bearer is new to me. The director explains so when the opening scene question whether a tattoo can be seen as a form of clothing on the human body. I do think that she did a fine job to express the message she wants to tell the audience with that. Takeko (Isabella Leong) was trapped in her world and obsessed with her memories and tattoos. To Jade, that tattoo is the reminiscence of the happy past romance, which contrast so much to that for Takeko, in which the tattoo reminds her of the obligations she had to her family and how costly love was for her. Through Takeko interspersed play-backs, the dark story of the spider Lilly was revealed. Takeko was in the arms of her lover one night. After their rendezvous, Takeko found out in shock that an earthquake had hit her home and she lost her parents, leaving only his younger brother still alive and traumatized. the spider-lilly tattoo on his father's arm was the only thing he could identify with and feel comfortable with. Takeko was guilt-ridden and decided to had that tattoo. It was the only way she could break into her brother's self-centered world and allow him to trust her again. She never trusted love again, for it had proven to only take more away from her.

I like the plot, and its insights to how much a tattoo can do. Everyone in the show fall prey to their dependence on the tattoo such that they had forgotten that the tattoos do not really determine who they are and how it can shape their lifes. It was a twist from how much it was expected out of tattoos,to how much it can really do. The outcome was a wicked cruel waking up to the reality. Memories are embodied in the tattoos. Although memories shape us who we are and how we think, the past that haunts us, can never allow us to break-though the stress and problems, unless we forget it and live afresh. It is so painful to live in the past, if only we can abandon the past and embrace the present, we can live more meaningfully. That is how i would interpret the movie. It is worth watching, but only with the awarness of it content, then can u appreciate the movie. Maybe it could come of as boring to most people, but if u catch all the little details and piece them together, it's possible to make sense out of it. The outcome is an art piece, clear and coherent, that delivers it sensual sensation to its viewer.

2007-06-20T01:04:00.000+08:00

Finally, I got my lap top back. It's the only computer I have, and one of the important communication devices for me to keep myself updated on NUS commencment matters and contact friends with MSN. Problems followed after one another. The screen of my hp just went blank. Warrany is over. Using my old hand phone instead, which I was still keeping in case such a thing happen. I lost some of my friend's hp numbers, augmenting my inconveniences. No portable music player equipment to keep myself occupied during boring trips. Everything seems to mul-function at the same time. How timely! I neglect to mention that HP service center took 3 weeks to fix my lap top. How efficient they can get! I had a good break from the computers. Har! Like real....

2007-05-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

I got tagged from Hanxun aeons ago. Well, what can I say? On obligations and deadlines to meet, it sounds too much like NUS routine life. I need a break and to do things only when I feel like doing it. Dear friend, hope you don't mind I took so long to finally feel like hitting the keyboard on my lappy and tag others. So here's how the game goes: Rule of the game: each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own 10 weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks! I do not think my list of social circle meets the quota of 6 people. I don't know. See how after I talk about the 10 things I have about myself.

1) It doesn't take a genius or a CAPS of 5 to tell that I'm a extremely shy person. Till this very day, I'm still one. There is a varying degree of such a behavior and it does not mean that a shy person rejects socialisation. It merely means a conflict between the desire to socialise and the fear of rejection at the same time. The result is a guy who chose to keep to himself and avoid the risk of uncontrollable situation in meeting strangers. I'm trying hard to accept my shyness and overcome the ills of it.

2) My ideal life is to retreat into the forest, have my hut and plot of land all to myself. Living the life of isolation like a hermit, like Tao Yuan Ming(陶渊明). I know its crazy! but it just appeal so much to me. Out there, the world is complicated. I want things simple. I don't want to intervene in other's affairs, like wise, i do not welcome interference in my affairs from others. Isn't it wonderful to plant chrysanthemum at my own leisure, only by chance see the far-away mountains? (采菊东篱下，悠然见南山). The idle life is great. We are merely actors in a play. When the play is over, the actors leave the stage and the audience clap and marvel. The play has finished and everyone goes home. How short and transient life is? How to enjoy life if we cannot for one moment, idle and do nothing, like fishes i keep? I observe my fishes. They seem so carefree and swim so happily without troubles. When they are tired, they rest on the broad leaves of the water plant I place in the tank. Even fishes do nothing by idling around!

3) I was obsessed with the idea of brotherhood at one point. I was influenced by the Peach garden oath between Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhang Fei. This was the opening event in the novel Romance of the three kingdom. The three man swore to die on the same year, same month and same die, to signify their sincerity and faith in their brotherhood. I began my journey to search for worthy men to be my brothers. I got a sworn sister instead. Ermm. but we didn't say the same oath. That's something of the past already. No need to be exactly the same. Anyway, it's the best thing that ever happen to me. I couldn't ask for more.

4) I'm prone to insomnia. A lot of people wouldn't know this. A shy person is one who is too very much concerned with oneself. He displays narcissistic qualities where the individual concerns becomes overwhelming. He cannot focus on the current situation he faces and does too much inner-talking. He talks inside himself, asking questions like what should I say? What if I say something wrong? Would the things I say be interesting enough? At night, my self-reflection is at its most vigorous level. I think about what I say in the day. How I was received by others and what I should say so that it will be better and more interesting. It's frustrating sometimes. I couldn't sleep because I think too much. I have to learn to take words less seriously.

5) I'm proud to proclaim that I'm a follower of the Daoist philosophy. Effortless living, spontaneous way and flowing along the course of the river is what I love to achieve. Lesser of a Confucianism, and more of Zen Buddhism which teaches the same thing as the Dao of Zhuangzhi.

6) I enjoy to see people laugh or make people laugh. This makes me feel less tense and comfortable around them. Once, I did a presentation in NUS and make everyone laugh. It may not mean anything to people who can do it easily but to me, its a great acheivement. The satisfaction is more than picking up a million dollars on the street! Having a CAPS of 5 also won't bring me that kind of joy.

7) Friends sometimes comment that I laugh too much to myself without any apparent reason. So sorry man, it just my way of releasing the tension and pressure I felt in a conversation.

8) I can be a very very lazy person. I can be too lazy to get something to eat, too lazy to reply an sms, too lazy to do almost anything. It doesn't always go like that. It behaves like a cycle, I will be a complete lazy bum at one point, then I will just transform and become enthusiastic in anything I do. It is like how the Daoist describe it, "the weak become strong, the strong become weak", the opposites co-exist and inter-change at appropriate times. This has its deep roots in my inclination for an idle life.

9) I treasure my relationship with others a lot. When I make friends, I am ready to form intimate and close relationship with them. I have few friends, and the friends I have will eventually become best friends.

10) I despise the lesser man. In other words, the petty man (小人), who is caught up with his own gains and status. These are despicable people who enjoy office politics, gossipping, bent on ruining other and using others as stepping stones to get what they want. They just don't care about the others and want things for themselves. Sad to say, there's plenty of such people around. Where can I find a gentleman (君子) so that I can have a word with him? One who is sensitive to other's needs and care for others. A gentleman shows loving compassion for others. He wishes to do good for others and not to harm others.

So who to tag?hmm.... let me see.... Definitely my sworn sis, followed by joyce, xiao yang, shu rong, guo zhen and Nasir! Guys, take ur time to respond to this tag game.

2007-04-18T02:31:00.000+08:00

On teaching

It is a surprise that i got my teaching post. I heard negative news that selection is strict. On the other hand, i heard that selection is slack. I do not know which one is true. There was a little anxiety and uncertainty while i waited for the response. I think i did not do well for the interview. Now, i'm relieved that i got the 1.5 year teaching contract before MOE would offer me the 3yr bond teaching. All is good and well. No worries for now.

2007-04-18T02:08:00.000+08:00

Life?!?!?
What is an ideal way to live? If u ask me this question, i do not know how to answer u. How would i noe? But i do enjoy drinking tea from the tea set i bought recently. Using a wooden spoon-like utensil, i transfer the tea leaves into the tea pot. There is two tea pot, one to mix the tea leaves with added hot water. The other will be used to contain the hot tea. It is necessary to transfer the tea from one pot to another, otherwise the remnants of the tea leaves continue to affect the quality of the tea. As time goes, the tea becomes more bitter if u do not transfer the tea and leave the leaves behind.

At first, the tea i brewed had a very plain taste, because i was impatient and i didn't add enough tea leaves. I didn't wait long enough for the taste and essence of the tea leaves to be diffused into the water. On my 2nd try, the tea is too bitter because i was greedy and added too much leaves and gave it too much time to settle. The tea was beyond good balance. I felt like spitting the tea as it was too unbearable for my sense of taste. The 3rd time, the tea was good. Suddenly, every other thing is no longer matters to me. All i noe was that i was drinking tea and enjoying myself. Then when i finish my tea, i was back to my revision for my upcoming exams.

The rich is not good. The poor and undernourished is not good either. What is good then? The balance between the two extremes! But what is this mid-point in life? I do not know. All i noe is i want to brew some good tea and enjoy my tea. This is life.