Lost

When you travel, when you move place to place, you have a start point and a end point. There is a destination in mind. When you reach your destination, you can give yourself a pat in your shoulder and feel satisfied, in which you achieved what you set out to achieve. This the conventional way of thought. What if there is another way to travel? Would you dare to try it? I have heard that the spirit of travelling is to not have a plan in mind. In this way, you get to explore all the possibilities. In this way you get to get lost. The true joy in a journey is to not know what to expect and to really be spontaneous. There is no need to plan. There is no need to fret in getting lost. Perhaps, our life journey do not really have a goal.

I find 881 a marvellous piece of artwork. The audience must get one point straight; it is a musical. The genre itself suggests that the expression through the songs plays a more crucial role than the narrative element. One must at least watch a opera or any other musical first so that you will not get disappointed with the show. I can't help myself but to fall in love with the songs during the show. As I flow along with the lyrics and tune, I got totally immersed in it. Occasionally, I sway along with the music. Yes, of course, a few teardrops at the scenes of death. 881 is no flop; its incoherence, weird sense of humour and wild exaggeration should be forgiven and taken in a light-hearted manner. After all, spectators don't think too much about a getai, do you? Songs are one of the most primitive form of emotional expression. The word emotion itself carries no meaning at all in it the notion of rationality and logic. So when you watch 881, laugh when you should, empathise when you should and cry when you should. That's what its all about.

Why is most of the blog already dead? I want to read, yet most of my friend's blog is undergoing a dormant state. Come on, you guys, get going and entertain me.

As I was looking at my graduation gown, I can't help but to be overcome with sadness and regret. I sighed that time creeps away without you realising it. The terrible mistake is that I didn't make full use of the time and opportunities in NUS. It could have been so much more. I could have achieved more and did much more and had an enriching experience, my kind of way. And so it's lost, time can never come back. But what is lost? I asked myself. Was i just being emotional and so I long for the past or was it really so that I did not maximise the potentials and to realise it? I sat and I think. If I had wasted my time for the past three years, what do i mean by that? And so how can i not waste my remaining years?

I chose the hard way for the remaining last year to do a minor in china studies. I thought that the seek of knowledge is a meaningful way to spend time in NUS. And then i realise that doing 6 modules make me so tired that i can't think of anything else. Keeping myself busy did not fill that void i felt in my heart and the end of the day. Something is still missing. For the first two years of NUS, I try to have a social life with the mafias. They were one bunch of fun people to hang out with. I thought it could be the key to happiness, somehow, for I had always been a anti-social guy before NS days. I had to really admit that I was really AS(anti-social). Social outings was something quite new to me. I tried and don't really feel comfortable at the end of the day. Still, something is missing. But then after i started teaching, I started to really appreciate myself and have fun with these guys. I just realise that I can be sociable, but it takes a long time for me to get use to the people. I need to take a long time to warm up to crowds, groups of people. This kind of fun, somehow, beats the hours of satisfaction I will derive from reading chinese journal articles in the Chinese library. Sure, I do enjoy reading the "General History of China", or even "Zhuangzhi" or "Analects". Books are still books, they are dregs of the dead people. They can't talk or interact with you. At some point of time, its the social context you are in that makes you who you are. Your self-worth, your purpose in life, who you are and what you do is still bounded by the society. Its the people around you and how you interact with them that is more important.

So as i am doing my thinking, i decide to reassess my priorities in life, to make sure that I shall not waste my time anymore from this point onwards. My deepest regret in NUS, would perhaps be that my social circle was increasing at a snail's pace and hardly wide at all. But then, i had made a few really really great friends. Perhaps, I also felt that it was a waste that I had not gone for any SEP, to China, where I could have see for myself the wonderful China. I had the chance to know friends of my age group in China and to interact with them, to hear their stories and to share the passion of its history and culture.

So what are my priorities in life? I shall list them in order, with the highest importance on the top, so that i shall remember them by heart, and not to let time waste away again without achieving wat I had wanted to.

1)Social relationships
2) Personal interests
3) Career achievments