It has been made official now, and that the upper management level has learn of my intentions of leaving the teaching force. I was called into the principle's office. Speaking to him for the very first time, but with the V-P and HOD around, I was asked to comment about my stand on teaching. I had to make a decision with two paths to chose from, to stay and teach for 3 years or to leave and pursue something else. Face with such a situation, I decided to be frank and honest with them and given them a sincere answer...... the truth, my heartfelt thoughts. From the very first day of teaching, I fail to have a change of heart, that I would want to carry on teaching. The initial stage of adaptation, will always make it a little hard to accept new things. I dislike my tuition sessions initially too, but i grew to enjoy it. But in this case, being a teacher, to face a class of forty students, to be accountable for the students, to discipline the students, to deal with difficult students.......... at the end of the day, I do not enjoy what i'm doing in class. At times, i admit to my collegues that the paper work and admin matters is much better than to teach in class. To most teachers, administrative matters is distasteful and grew dreadful of it. I felt otherwise, which probably is self-explanatory, when the factor of teaching in class is brought into consideration.

My experience in school is not entirely bad, some nice moments....just a few of that... I'm proud to also say my form class is the better-behaved class out of the other classes I teached. Occassionally, my students who run into me would say to me that they would hope that i teach them next year. My form class also requested that I should be their form teacher next year. Well, to be honest, I do feel some kind of attachment to my form class. That's the class I will scold because I feel that I have to. Its rather strange to claim that, I'm acting to be stern, most of the time. My close friends know about this, that I have shared with them. To me, being firm and stern does not come naturally. It is something artificial, like a masquerade that I put on. To scold or discipline students is something I don't noe how to do, which i find it very hard to do. I'm acting like a teacher. I'm acting most of the time. I know that it is neccessary to instill discipline in class, but it does not come naturally. I don't noe why i can't do it. But when it comes to my form class, most of the time but not all the time, when i do discpline the kids, it comes rather naturally. Could it be because of the personal attachment I have to the students that results in this? I do not know. Perhaps, unconsciously, my heart does the distinction. When I say something to them, attached to the words are my sincere words from my heart. That's the class which I know the students well. And of course remember their names.

It was not a clear cut choice that I have made abruptly. I have taken a serious thought to the matter, weighing both sides of the deal... the things i will like about teaching, the things that i don't like about teaching. I have to make a choice. The answers are actually all inside of me already, buried deep inside. All I have to do, is to discover that inner-self. This is the decision that I have made. I will have to move on to pursue something else that is more suited to my nature.